DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:40-ish - 49, Adventurous - Slept with everyone ,Athletic - No tits, Average looking -Ugly, Beautiful - Pathological liar, Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills, Emotionally secure - On medication, Feminist - Fat, Free spirit - Junkie ,Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person,Fun - Annoying,New Age - Body hair in the wrong places,Open-minded - Desperate,Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing,Passionate - Sloppy drunk,Professional - Bitch,Voluptuous - Very Fat,Large frame - Hugely Fat, Wants Soul mate - Stalker.
WOMEN'S ENGLISH 1. Yes = No,2. No = Yes,3.Maybe = No,4.We need = I want,5.I am sorry = you'll be sorry,6.We need to talk = you're in trouble,7. Sure, go ahead = you better not,8.Do what you want = you will pay for this later,9.I am not upset = of course I am upset,you moron!,10.You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1.I am hungry = I am hungry,2.I am sleepy = I am sleepy,3.I am tired = I am tired, 4.Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5.I love you = let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7.May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you,8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you,9.Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you,10.Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.11.Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
August 27, 2007
August 21, 2007
Top Marriage Mistakes
Lack of RespectDon't badmouth your spouse to your friends or associates. Spouses need to be thanked. They need to know they are appreciated.
Not Listening to Your Spouse
This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language, and interrupting.
Lack of Sexual IntimacyThis is a death knell for a marriage. Seek medical counsel and therapeutic counseling if necessary. Don't leave your spouse wondering why you aren't interested in sex
Always Having to Be RightThis includes lecturing your mate, or having to have the last word. Very few people can love a know-it-all forever. Admit once in awhile that you made a mistake or that you don't have all the answers. Don't answer every simple question with a long-winded dissertion on the topic.
Not Walking the TalkActions do speak louder than words. When you say you'll do something, do it. When you say you won't do something, follow through.
DishonestyHaving lies and secrets in your relationship can create distance and lack of trust between the two of you.
Being Annoying
This includes continuing to have gross personal hygiene habits, or always being late, or nitpicking everything your spouse does, etc. It is when you know you are annoying and you continue to annoy.
Being Selfish or GreedyThis is when you spend money on yourself, but makes a big deal if your spouse spends a dime. This is not wanting to open your home to friends and family because you prefer to be alone and don't want the hassle of entertaining. This is hogging the remote, only going to cheap restaurants when you could afford better, or not watching movies your spouse wants to see.
Having Temper Tantrums
Every couple needs to be able to handle conflict in a constructive way. Having an angry outburst so that you can win an argument will make you the loser in the end.
Do you agree with these?
Not Listening to Your Spouse
This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language, and interrupting.
Lack of Sexual IntimacyThis is a death knell for a marriage. Seek medical counsel and therapeutic counseling if necessary. Don't leave your spouse wondering why you aren't interested in sex
Always Having to Be RightThis includes lecturing your mate, or having to have the last word. Very few people can love a know-it-all forever. Admit once in awhile that you made a mistake or that you don't have all the answers. Don't answer every simple question with a long-winded dissertion on the topic.
Not Walking the TalkActions do speak louder than words. When you say you'll do something, do it. When you say you won't do something, follow through.
DishonestyHaving lies and secrets in your relationship can create distance and lack of trust between the two of you.
Being Annoying
This includes continuing to have gross personal hygiene habits, or always being late, or nitpicking everything your spouse does, etc. It is when you know you are annoying and you continue to annoy.
Being Selfish or GreedyThis is when you spend money on yourself, but makes a big deal if your spouse spends a dime. This is not wanting to open your home to friends and family because you prefer to be alone and don't want the hassle of entertaining. This is hogging the remote, only going to cheap restaurants when you could afford better, or not watching movies your spouse wants to see.
Having Temper Tantrums
Every couple needs to be able to handle conflict in a constructive way. Having an angry outburst so that you can win an argument will make you the loser in the end.
Do you agree with these?
August 16, 2007
Easy and Practical Ways to Help Make Your Marriage Last
Daily, Weekly, Monthly, and Yearly Ways to Show Your Love for your marriage to last many years,it is important that you show your love for one another on a regular basis.That means daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly,taking a few minutes, even seconds, to put your spouse first on your priority list.
Daily
•Spend at least 10 minutes a day focused on one another without the distraction of your kids, the TV, the phone, etc.
•Kiss your spouse in the morning, before leaving the house, when you go to bed, and several other times during the day and evening.
•Say I Love You.
•Hug your spouse several times each day.
• Affirm something your spouse said or did and say something nice.
• Be kind to your spouse.
• Do something caring and romantic for your spouse.
• Don't criticize your spouse.
Laugh together.
Weekly:
• Hide some love notes for your spouse.
• Do a few things together, like working in the yard, taking a walk, watching a favorite movie, or planning and cooking dinner.
• Encourage both yourself and your spouse to have some alone time.
Monthly:
• Plan and have a date with one another.
Yearly:
• Celebrate your anniversary Write a letter to each other recommitting yourselves to your marriage.
• Decide together how you will celebrate holidays.
• Make a big deal about your birthdays.
Generally:• Fight fair.
• Don't try to change your spouse.
• Be willing to forgive.
• Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader and don't try to be a mind reader
• Consider attending a marriage enrichment weekend or workshop.
• Accept that there will be some small issues that you two will never resolve and that it is normal in successful marriages.
Culled from:marriage.about.com
Daily
•Spend at least 10 minutes a day focused on one another without the distraction of your kids, the TV, the phone, etc.
•Kiss your spouse in the morning, before leaving the house, when you go to bed, and several other times during the day and evening.
•Say I Love You.
•Hug your spouse several times each day.
• Affirm something your spouse said or did and say something nice.
• Be kind to your spouse.
• Do something caring and romantic for your spouse.
• Don't criticize your spouse.
Laugh together.
Weekly:
• Hide some love notes for your spouse.
• Do a few things together, like working in the yard, taking a walk, watching a favorite movie, or planning and cooking dinner.
• Encourage both yourself and your spouse to have some alone time.
Monthly:
• Plan and have a date with one another.
Yearly:
• Celebrate your anniversary Write a letter to each other recommitting yourselves to your marriage.
• Decide together how you will celebrate holidays.
• Make a big deal about your birthdays.
Generally:• Fight fair.
• Don't try to change your spouse.
• Be willing to forgive.
• Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader and don't try to be a mind reader
• Consider attending a marriage enrichment weekend or workshop.
• Accept that there will be some small issues that you two will never resolve and that it is normal in successful marriages.
Culled from:marriage.about.com
August 15, 2007
Bedroom love note
Here are more suggestions on where to leave or hide love notes for your spouse in your bedroom.
On your mate's pillow.
In one of your spouse's shoes.
In a suit pocket.
In one of your partner's drawers.
Leave a note in your spouse's trouser pocket.
Inside his car.
In underwear drawer.
Inside a teddy popped up against a pillow.
In his/her wallet.
Tag "I love you." on the door.
Leave them in his laptop bag.
Inside the pocket of one of his shirts, so when he found it,it's going to put a smile on his face.!
Put “I Love You” notes in each pair of socks.
Tucked in packed clothing ... in pockets of garments or in toiletries bag etc.
Put one note in his foldeld underwear, i know it sounds funny but when he sees the paper falling he picks it up and reads it.
I hope you like my ideas.
On your mate's pillow.
In one of your spouse's shoes.
In a suit pocket.
In one of your partner's drawers.
Leave a note in your spouse's trouser pocket.
Inside his car.
In underwear drawer.
Inside a teddy popped up against a pillow.
In his/her wallet.
Tag "I love you." on the door.
Leave them in his laptop bag.
Inside the pocket of one of his shirts, so when he found it,it's going to put a smile on his face.!
Put “I Love You” notes in each pair of socks.
Tucked in packed clothing ... in pockets of garments or in toiletries bag etc.
Put one note in his foldeld underwear, i know it sounds funny but when he sees the paper falling he picks it up and reads it.
I hope you like my ideas.
August 1, 2007
What Every Man Needs to Know
Your wife is your partner.You have to treat her as such. You may want to protect her,but you should never take choices away.Lying is never a good thing.Even little lies can come back to haunt you.Be honest about how you are feeling - your wife will appreciate that.Understand that your wife is going through changes too.You may not be used to checking in with someone about your whereabouts, but she will appreciate it and so will you when she does the same.Financial control issues are the root of a lot of marital problems.Make it a rule that you should both be involved in large financial decisions.Discuss ways to keep each other in the loop.Socially,you both had relationships prior to the marriage.Friendships are important,but if your wife is uncomfortable with any of those prior relationships,discuss ways you can make her more comfortable.Merging lives has its own challenges, avoid excluding each other even if you always used to do something a certain way before. Give your wife an option to join you now.You want her to respect your needs, so you need to respect hers. If she needs to make lists to detail how things will be handled, support that. You will both benefit from mutual respect.Communication is the key in the first months of marriage.It's easy to get caught back up into the rhythms of life and to forget that there is someone else to consider, talk before and after the wedding about your expectations, dreams and goals.Saying I love you,never gets old.Showing your affection with little gestures and thoughtful gifts of appreciation are excellent ways to maintain the romance.As a husband, what other tips can you offer to other newly married men and the oldies?
What Every Wife Needs to Know
·Saying I love you, never gets old. Showing your affection with little gestures and thoughtful gifts of appreciation are excellent ways to maintain the romance.
·Discuss your needs with your husband. We often mistake love for mind reading. Our husbands cannot read our minds and know absolutely what we need. By telling them about our needs and listening to theirs, we are both more likely to be satisfied.
·Women are nurturers by nature. We like to take care of our families, our husbands and our children. Never treat your husband like one of your children. Sometimes, when you over nurture - you can set a precedent that causes you issues in the future. Take care of them, but don't do everything for them
·Courtesy and consideration should only be enhanced by marriage, not forgotten. While familiarity can lead to contempt in some cases, avoid that. Your husband still deserves all of the kindness, consideration and courtesy you extended before you were married. Just the same way you do.
·Control issues like finances and other major household decisions can be a bone of contention, even in newly married couples. Be sure to discuss with your husband before doing major shopping. Check in with him on things like grocery lists - it can't hurt to get their input and they will appreciate it
·Your husband's upbringing may influence how he feels about doing household chores. Don't assume that he will take care of only designated male chores. If you want his help with things, communicate that. More often than not, your husband will want to help - he just won't naturally know what you want done.
·Men are protective by nature. That protective nature can sometimes seem stifling. Try to understand that your husband does trust you, he just doesn't trust anyone else. Communicate with him and work together to make sure he can still protect you, while not limiting your personal sense of freedom.
Can we think of other suggestions for us oldies,future and new wives please?
Happy new month to everybody!
·Discuss your needs with your husband. We often mistake love for mind reading. Our husbands cannot read our minds and know absolutely what we need. By telling them about our needs and listening to theirs, we are both more likely to be satisfied.
·Women are nurturers by nature. We like to take care of our families, our husbands and our children. Never treat your husband like one of your children. Sometimes, when you over nurture - you can set a precedent that causes you issues in the future. Take care of them, but don't do everything for them
·Courtesy and consideration should only be enhanced by marriage, not forgotten. While familiarity can lead to contempt in some cases, avoid that. Your husband still deserves all of the kindness, consideration and courtesy you extended before you were married. Just the same way you do.
·Control issues like finances and other major household decisions can be a bone of contention, even in newly married couples. Be sure to discuss with your husband before doing major shopping. Check in with him on things like grocery lists - it can't hurt to get their input and they will appreciate it
·Your husband's upbringing may influence how he feels about doing household chores. Don't assume that he will take care of only designated male chores. If you want his help with things, communicate that. More often than not, your husband will want to help - he just won't naturally know what you want done.
·Men are protective by nature. That protective nature can sometimes seem stifling. Try to understand that your husband does trust you, he just doesn't trust anyone else. Communicate with him and work together to make sure he can still protect you, while not limiting your personal sense of freedom.
Can we think of other suggestions for us oldies,future and new wives please?
Happy new month to everybody!
