November 29, 2007

What would you do

Somehow,i ve made up my mind that if i catch my husband cheating on me,i can only rake,shout and throw all kind of tantrum but will not take a walk but talk it over after showing remorse,lets face it-how many nija men dont play away game,not with all the harassment from all those half nakedly dressed ladies parading the street(i no dey justify their philadering)but this sister case,na another matter.A sister caught her husband with her supposedly friend(married too)in her matrimonial home and the husband is telling her to either take it easy or she lose her marriage if she make any trouble and her husband get to know as he will not abandon her but be with her all the way and that,she will be the loser as he will have no option than to marry her and she must know that he doesnt have the intention of having two women in his house.She said the traitor was just saying i never mearnt to hurt you and please dont let this spoil our friendship-imagine that crab!.If you are face with the situation,what will you do?


CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

I always contemplate whether or not to comment. You are saying that scantily clad women are the reason why men cheat (even though you absolved yourself by saying you are not justifying their infidelity)...I do not agree with that statement

The lady in question. I will profer no advice because the fact that she is having a discussion about it is an indication that she will not react the way I would. I would be out. I am not afraid of being on my own. I came into this world on my own and when I am checking out, I would be on my own for the angels.

But the nonsense that Naija women condone is beyond me

On Purpose said...

Quite interesting site you have. Need to read more. Found through Refinedone's.

At some point in a marriage it seems majority of women (maybe men too)will experience one form of infidelity or the other whether it includes physical contact or not. Whether it's for fun, a pastime or apparent lack of self control.
It can be very hurtful but marriages can still survive.

What beats me about this particular story however,is the total disregard of her feelings by husband with no sense of remorse. To say this will be unacceptable for me will be an understatement because he is giving himself the license and the right to do whatever he pleases.

In this instance there is obviously no love or respect and therefore the marriage is already over even if she decides to stay in it. For her sanity I hope she has the courage (it's difficult) to leave as there's a lot she'd have to deal with from the pain to anger and the eventual bitterness. She does not need all that.

Sherri said...

the konkobility and alacritiment!!
i hope u realize that by doing nothing u are in essence reinforcing and encouraging this horrible behavior.

no woman should put up with that insanity just to be married!
in case she doesn't know, a husband is to love, honor and cherish his wife. if he's not doing all three he's not worth having.

the saddest part of all, is the precedence they're setting for the poor children involved..

Anonymous said...

l am sorry,but the only answer is to walk.

Simi Speaks said...

Ummmm. tricky one. I have asked myself several times what I would do if am in the same boat.

In this particular situation, there is obviously gross disrespect for the wife. PERIOD. The situation is deeper than just him messing with the wife's friend. So I think she needs to "re-evaluate" her marriage.

Now let's assume that the husband respects and loves his wife but cheated on her (it's not impossible, folks).

I dont think the wife should leave the marriage (especially if there are kids involved) but should make him pay big time. But I wouldnt go around telling my hubby it's ok for him to cheat. I have in fact told him that it was grounds for divorce. But deep deep down inside, I probably wouldnt leave except for extreme cases like having outside kids, bringing the girl home, violence etc...

Men are Men. They view sex a lot differently from us. Dont get me wrong, am not making an excuse for infidelity. Am just saying it's not the end of the world. If the marriage is fixable, then fix it. If not, then cut your losses and move on.

t said...

Remember the song "a little less conversation, a little more action"...couples should talk, but too many times women think a tantrum improves their life, and I don't see it that way.
It gets things off your chest, but it doesn't change things. Back up the shouting with some rational talk if possible, and some consequences for the offending man.
If I was a man and somebody was shouting all over the place around me, I would walk to the exit. Even if I had done terrible things to annoy the woman.
And yes, the nonsense that Naija women condone is beyond me. Shouting and forgetting is condoning, sorry.

Waffarian said...

This topic again! Anyway, I will say my own. Naija men are arrogant and useless when it comes to this issue, they behave like pigs and then, they still have the guts to rain insults on you once you "dare" to question them. No man is worth that nonsense, they will just manipulate you and in the end still laugh behind your back and keep playing their games. Either way, you are going to lose, so why not lose with your sanity intact?

Anonymous said...

where do we put God in all of this?

nne said...

The fault is with naija women- lack of self esteem. Defining yourself as nothing other than Mrs this or that.

Some naija men cheat cause they can and the women will stay.

The question to ask yourself is this:
Is remaining Mrs kiniko so important that you would risk contracting HIV/AIDS from a cheating husband and leaving your children orphaned?

We buried a friend recently whose hubby died from HIV/AIDS and now her children are orphaned.
It was also a wake up call for my cousin who also packed her load and left after her oga gave her an STD.

Women - abeg, to be Mrs. no be by force jare.

rethots said...

Hmmm....interesting converse.
With catwalq i agree that men (who cheat) do so not 'cos of scantily clad women. Why they do i know not, but, should i dare say, no respect (honour) have they for their women.

If i caught my spouse with someone, ouch! That would truly hurt, and my first reaction would be to take a walk. But, i fear in reality, a difficult choice it would be 'cos to have married... then, i love. This, my opinion now, is so because at a distance i imagine it. If it does happen in reality, i know not what i'd do then. May it not.

In this case, i agree with on purpose "the total disregard of her feelings by husband with no sense of remorse." is simply unfair. You don't treat someone you love that way.