May 21, 2007

Why i ignored my husband's infidelity:Wife bent on having the best of two worlds

Wonder shall never cease to happen in this our men/women relationship.I read Bunmi Sofola's(Your sincerely)above caption article in sunday vanguard and it got me worried that we women just like humiliating ourselves and still justify the action of our men.We know they think infidelity is their birth right as a man in Africa set up but that does not mean we should gladly accept it.The article was about a family who got friendly with their next door neighbour,who is a single mother due to closeness between their kids and before long,they became family friends and were free with eachother.The woman is comfortable as she is a businesswoman and always assist the family with one favour or the other and even introduced the woman of the house to side business which can fetch her extra cash apart from her salary and the family lifestyle improves.When their first daughter clocked 10,they had a party for her though they could not really afford to throw such a grand party but ms generous assisted them and somehow in the course of the party,she went to the kitchen to get some few things and saw her husband and ms goodie conversing in the corridor but did not see her and she saw her husband playfully tweaking her nipple through her dress and was shocked but left them without them noticing her.She initially thought of confronting them but an inner voice called her to order to remember all her input in their life!She reminded herself of all the good things they enjoyed from her and just asked herself:so what if my husband was screwing her and what has she done to the ones who have nothing to contribute to their life and still enjoyed her man? that it was a little price to pay for all the good things she has done for the family.Her husband is not forty yet and the woman is in her late forty,so marriage is out of it,why not overlook since its beneficial to the family?Can you imagine what a typical nijawife will take to keep a home and get little comfort.Can you do that?


LittleGirlLost said...

I could never do it but then again I say that because I have options so I will never need to put up with that for the sake of a few comforts and a mans presence under my roof.
Sad really.

Yummy Mummy said...

I second littlegirlost's comments O. I will never do that, but by the sounds of things this woman has options. I even go as far to say, every woman has options . It is a shame that our society reckons that women are not really women until they are married and 'at least' have a husband ( no matter how sorry he is)!!!

Anonymous said...

na by force to marry. i think d major prob with we women is that we marry wrongly just because we want 2 become mrs somebody. i bliv in the missing rib theory and i dont all men are fools and play around. they do that because we women tolerate. like my peeps say most of us women ma n gbe egun elegun mi(as in we swallow another person's bone- sth like dat) as result there's bound 2b wahala now. even then, hen men treat us bad because we accept it. Heard a story of a woman whose husband beats her. one day our sista locks d whole house in the middle of the night and hits her head on metal and she faints in the presence of husby. husby becomes confused and screams for help. neighbours break d door of the house and madam is rushed 2 d hospital. then, dis is the story, everybody there blames the husband and are like what kind of offence did she commit that made u beat her like this? madam said she has had peace form husby since that day. Men are babies and they should be treated as such. scold them when dey shld b scolded and love them when dey deserve. we women gan have 2 begin 2 treat ourselves well. if i see myself as worth it, i definitely wont allow any man treat me like trash money or no money. i would not accept infidelty for any reason.

refinedone said...

...Anon, that is not "marriage" that is an arrangement..
I have always said..alot Of Naija women dont have a feeling of self-worth" no matter how many degrees or finacial indepence....self worth ans self esteem is lacking!

Ubong Da said...

ANaijawife the more I read your stories the more apparent it becomes that you are seeking some form of emotional sympathy from fellow woman as all your stories are usually one sided and carefully chosen to get the desired response.

From personal experience most of our married women are not saints, a lot were runs babe chasing after married men when they were students, never minding that the men had wives at home. Now the roles are reversed and they are crying foul play.

A lot of naija married women would also cheat if they can get away with it and a few are already doing it. Maybe you should dig up a few of those stories and also tell us, so that we wouldn't think you are biased.

anijawife said...

Ubonge,i do lash my sisters too when they go astray but you must understand that the basic problem we have in Africa in general is women abuse in all form and i just take it upon myself as a married woman to share happenings in our life.Ilook at the emotional abuse women are being subjected to in the home and how we as sisters can be there,give support to one another in term of advice,you never know how many lives are being touched from what you called emotional sympathy.I personally have picked one or two things from this forum and my marriage is the better for it.My sister refinedone have been wonderful with her words and i always remember her words-value yourself first and other people will value you

ababoypart2 said...

I tend never to judge people – whatever actions they take. But I must say, it takes quite a lot to look the other way in this case.


Jola Naibi said...

@Can you do that? - The answer has to be no...although the last thing I want to do is break up my home but I definitely will not keep quiet if I see my hubby touching another woman in our own home. That is disrespect of the highest order. I don't understand what it is that the woman is supposed to have done for them that is so fantastic pa it not just regular advice and direction that anybody that knows will be able to provide. Fa Fa Fa Foul...she should confront her husband calmly...and cut off ties with the other woman...that is the beginning of problems and a lot of woman put on a facade that all is well when everything is crumbling around them and that is not right at all

ExcitedJade said...

i will nmever do that... thats rubbish,

Sherri said...

the yeye man has managed to disrespect 2 women with one stroke and both women were not woman enough to say or do anything about it!
as long as women continue to look the other way, the abuse continues.i believe there is a lot each one us can do to stem this maltreatment if we we want to.

The Pseudo-Independent said...

Greetings to you A Nijawife.

I do not know whether one should say that true monogamy is rear! Its also so hard to say whether infidelity is natural or whether it is only those hoping to mate for life who may be unfaithful? What I can say for now is that i do hope to continue reading your nice blog. See you around.

@Jola: when you say tocuhing another woman, what about holding hands especially if the lady is a friend, his childhood friend?

Jola Naibi said...

@pseudo-independent - I actually meant 'touching' as described by A Nija Wife in this post...of course he can/does hold hands, give hugs and kisses to other females but purely on a platonic level...any other thing which borders on lust is disrespectful.

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Waffarian said...

Is not money? comfort? Nigerian women will do anything to keep a "comfy home", hissssssssss.

naija woman and am proud! said...

The question is will I do that?
My answer is a big "YES"!

But I wont just pretend I didnt see them, I will make them know I saw them but wont fight about it. its about pretending to be the fool but also knowing deep down that iam not. I will be a fool to fight, walk out of my married and leave my kids to suffer.

then, how about putting up there until i have a solid plan.

like Ubong that, I may have been a runs babe b4 i got married but that doesnt mean i dont want my marriage to work.

my husband can decide to talk things and make it work or continue. i may decide to go the church (afterall that's where we all end up). but i wont fight for anywoman, until i have a solid plan!

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Man2Man said...

I will a cue from wat ubong said in his comments. You had responded that you had put up d post bcos of the emotional abuse women go thru in Africa....but u have failed to mentioned that in tha same article in Vanguard...Ms Sofola mentioned that a woman was also sleeping with her boss in d office in order to obtian contracts for her hubby at home and even though d man later knew he of course turned the other way. You must not be one sided in anything you do. The issue of emotional abuse is not only applicable to the women alone.Just bcos the men dont cry out all the time like you women do does not mean we are not been abused emotionally. So its a 2 way thing. Cheers

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