February 12, 2007

Lonely wives on Valentine day

I got this from one of my favourite columnist and i decided to put it on my blog as it goes with my last post--

Another lovers’ day is here. So, did you fit in last year? I mean, as a wife, mistress or girlfriend, were you side-tracked? Did you lose the Valentine Day celebrations to a rival, his girlfriend or maybe his job? And if you lost, what did you do and what do you intend to do this year?I guess most women sit around and mope when they find out that they’ve lost out in the love game. But do you really have to wallow in self-pity and carry tear-streaked face about just because your husband now thinks you are too old to be seen around pubs or beaches in shorts?Actually, any Nigerian woman should know the pretences and idiosyncrasies of the average Nigerian man. Every woman should know that more of our men don’t know the first thing about romance. Or how many men do you see reading romance novels or watching ‘Friends” and such lovey-dovey films? As far as most of them are concerned, such things as romance are drippy things reserved for kids. At best, they pretend to be romantic during courtship days.Courtship days are about the only time women around here receive love notes and get treated specially on Valentine days. Once they say ‘I do’, romance flies out of the window. Of course, I acknowledge that a few husbands still celebrate Valentine days, every year with the wives.But the number is so pathetically small that one can’t hope that things will improve. Some men don’t even bother to wait until you say ‘I do’ to them before canceling the romance.Once they think they have you wrapped and sealed for the altar, they assume you can’t escape.
So, if next Wednesday, your husband does not give you a treat and you resort to crying and feeling sorry for yourself-Intimate Affairs thinks you are short-changing yourself.Why should you let him see your red-rimmed eyes?Even if you feel sorry for yourself, don’t let him see it.You’ll only be oiling his selfish ego by doing so. If he’s an ungrateful bully, should you be a whimpering, cowering wife?Nope.If he thinks you are not qualified to be given a treat on lovers’ day, then call his bluff.But,please do it nicely.Pay him back in his carefree coin with a cheerful smile on your face (even if it cracks your lips).This is no woman lib stuff.Just a defense mechanism against the harsh realities of life around here.Or have you forgotten the Igbo adage that says that “since men have learnt to shoot without missing, the bird eneke-nti-oba has also learnt to fly without perching?That’s why I said no woman, on no account, should be caught looking like she’s having a revenge.Check out how a friend, a nurse, got through a Valentine day without her husband.I don’t know where I got the courage or idea from, I just decided that if my husband intended to forget February 14, I would not be around the house, crying over it. You see, after the first two years of our marriage, he stopped paying any attention to that particular day. We’ve been married eight years now and for the past six years he had come up with one excuse or the other why he couldn’t spend Valentine day at home. For years, if felt sorry for myself but this year I made up my mind I was going to change all that. So when, a few days before Valentine last year, he told me he’d be working late on February 14, I just shrugged. I quickly arranged with a colleague to let me change shifts with her. That night, I did night duty. I simply left a note for him that one of the nurses on night duty wanted a stand-in. He didn’t like me doing night duty. He always complained that he hated coming home to an empty bed. Well, if I’d been warming his bed for eight years and I still don’t qualify as his lover, then I won’t warm it on February 14. Not again, unless he changes”.
Toun has been married for the past 10 years with three children and her husband has written her off as ‘home’. Valentine days are not for old mamas like her. “I know he has girlfriends and he frolics around with every February 14. Two years ago, I made up my mind it’s high time I had a new lover to replace him too. Since I don’t intend to be unfaithful to him, I chose my children. I just took them off to Federal Palace Hotel for the day. We didn’t get home until midnight and we had a swell time. By then, my husband was home and angry that we locked him out. I tried to smoothen his feathers but I know I’d put one oh him”.Well, so what can I say? If there’s any woman out there who’s been married for above five years and is still getting treats on Valentine days, please send your name, your husband’s full names and where you were this last lovers’ day. Let’s share your joy and I hope the luck will rub off on those who are missing out. It’s high time we knew the great guys and the lesser ones among us.
culled from Intimate Affairs by Funke Egbemode


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