June 28, 2010

Emotional Infidelity

I got this mail from a friend and felt I should share it with you all . The message here is very true of most relationships with the opposite sex. You cannot be too careful. The important thing here is to know where to draw the line on all personal discussions/dealings outside of your spouse. Even if your don’t mean otherwise or where you think you are in charge, things could still go wrong; or at least as your intentions could be misunderstood by the other party or others. Anyhow someone else (your spouse suffers) so, watch it!!!

“Kate meets James when she joined a new Accounting Firm two years ago, James was her supervisor and the first time they met, he actually struck her as a bit shy and withdrawn. But a few months into their working relationship, something changed. James started warming up to her with special attention; she warmed up to him too. Soon their conversations turned from work related issues to easy banter about everything personal and later it became flirtation. They shared many similar things in common, and they soon became inseparable.

She convinced herself that she wasn’t doing anything wrong; after all they were not having sex. And couldn’t she have a friend who happened to be male? She also told her husband about him, even sharing when they would meet for lunch. Her husband, who is very busy with a demanding job and hardly spends enough time at home, trusted her completely and didn’t raise an eyebrow.

In the midst of working full time and caring for her two children, e-mailing and talking with James felt like an innocent escape. James was always a call away to encourage her and guide her through difficult times; they spend hours talking on the phone and chatting on the internet. She increasingly found herself sharing more and more of her goals and dreams with James and was withdrawing from her husband more and more. Her conversation with her husband became very casual and it became only about the children and general issues.

She started looking forward to her regular interactions with James in a way that was all too consuming, and never missed her husband when he wasn’t around. It was James not her husband who was beginning to fill a key emotional need in her life. She was having an emotional affair.

Emotional infidelity often starts when you share intimate details of your life with someone else apart from your partner. The person probably make you feel good and special and you like the feeling of affection you have when you are with them, you then begin to put the bulk of your emotions into the person’s hands.

The signs of an emotional infidelity may be more subtle than those of a sexual infidelity, and even if you never so much as touch him, this emotional attachment has just as much potential as a sexual fling to damage your relationship. When you save up your innermost thoughts, and interesting personal experiences to be spilled to the other guy instead of your spouse then you are doing your relationship harm and it’s not fair to your partner.

According to a relationship expert, emotional affairs are happening more often because so many of us feel emotionally isolated, Whether it’s because of our demanding jobs or the hours we spend on the Internet instead of with our families, friends, and communities, we’ve become increasingly distanced both physically and emotionally from other people, including our spouses. And when we’re not regularly sharing our lives and feelings with those close to us, we ultimately begin to fill their space with someone else.

To avoid emotional affair it’s important to keeping members of the opposite sex out of your intimate life, find polite ways to stop your discussions from being too personal or intimate. Emotional affairs begin with personal discussions, and grow more intimate as time goes on.

Also, avoid regular, ongoing personal conversations with one particular person and watch who you talk to make sure you are not making deep emotional investments with the inappropriate person. It’s important to know that friendship with the opposite sex can become a problem when it becomes a replacement for a marriage, and also be careful of seemingly innocent actions such as dancing, kissing, or hugging members of the opposite sex.

Be honest with yourself if you’re attracted to someone outside your marriage, be honest about the potential for an emotional affair and do something to stop it before it grows out of hand.Emotional infidelity is rarely planned; it often arises from innocent friendships that went too far, that became too intimate.

The above experience is not limited to a particular sex”.