There is simply no way we can ever really thank mother for all she has done for us. She is the one who will be awake all night when we are sick. Praying to God to make us well and be ever ready to bear the pain that we may be experiencing. She is the one to wake up early in the morning to make the nicest food and endure all our tantrums. Mothers are the ones who would forever complain that we are not eating enough or not eating right. They would cook all sorts of things so that we may be strong and healthy. Mothers infact, worry more for our examinations than we do. They would take pains to complete our school projects leaving all other works behind while we play around with friends or just while away time watching movies.
Mothers are everything for us when we are small...our lives revolve around her. For everything that we need we call mother. To protect us from all perceivable dangers we want her around us. To take us out we hold her arms. To kiss away our wounds we run to her. And for a warm hug and love we look for her. She is the focal point of our lives, the greatest human being in the world or should we say divinity on earth. On the special occasion of Mothers Day pay tribute to your mother - the greatest blessing of God on you
Mothers are the one on whom we put all the blame for our failures. We would not hesitate once to point her single fault though she would not miss even a slightest opportunity to praise us. Isn't it tough to imagine how she must have borne our temper tantrums when we were teenagers? And how hard we must have made her life by behaving so rude and difficult. And yet she was so astonishingly cool. It is easy for the kids to be so demanding from parents, especially mothers as we take her affection and care so much for granted. Most often to the extent of selfishness. Mothers Day is the right time to apologise for all the troubles that we gave to our moms, without even realising at most times how troublesome we must have been to her.
What better day will it be to apologies for all our trouble than mother's day? Mothers Day is the perfect day to celebrate the joys of having a mother. It is the time to make amends for not being able to spend quality time with her. So turn your wrongs right by making all efforts to give a perfect Mothers Day to your mother. Think about her likes and dislikes about gifts and idea on celebration and act accordingly. Strive to make Mothers Day absolutely hassle free for your mother and take the responsibilities on yourself for a day. Pamper her a little on this special day of hers just as she pampers you all the year round. Give her a warm hug and a big kiss as you wish her a Happy Mothers Day!
February 29, 2008
February 27, 2008
Strategies for Creating a Happier You and a Happy Marriage
•Like yourself.
•Be yourself.
•Be nice to one another.
•Show mutual respect.
•Be supportive of each other.
•Agree to have fair fights.
•Each evening,share with one another three happy things that you noticed during the day.Talk about why these moments of happiness occurred.
•Talk with your spouse about how the way you are living your lives helps or takes away from what's important to you both.
•Create ways to include these happy times in your life more often.
•Do a random act of kindness not only for a stranger each day, but also for one another. Don't talk about these acts of kindness with one another. They are for your own personal self-esteem and growth.
•Fill your own emotional needs.
•Compliment and affirm your spouse.
•Be yourself.
•Be nice to one another.
•Show mutual respect.
•Be supportive of each other.
•Agree to have fair fights.
•Each evening,share with one another three happy things that you noticed during the day.Talk about why these moments of happiness occurred.
•Talk with your spouse about how the way you are living your lives helps or takes away from what's important to you both.
•Create ways to include these happy times in your life more often.
•Do a random act of kindness not only for a stranger each day, but also for one another. Don't talk about these acts of kindness with one another. They are for your own personal self-esteem and growth.
•Fill your own emotional needs.
•Compliment and affirm your spouse.
February 26, 2008
ABC of Marriage
A-
Abandon Selfishness and Be Open to Change
~~~~~~~
B-
Bestow Praise on One Another
~~~~~~~
C-
Call Home if Running Late
~~~~~~~
D-
Dream Dreams Together
~~~~~~~
E-
Enjoy Learning New Discoveries About One Another
~~~~~~~
F-
Flowers Say Much
~~~~~~~
G-
Grins Can Be Life Giving in Your Marriage
~~~~~~~
H-
Hands are for Holding
~~~~~~~
I-
Invest Your Time, Talent and Treasure on Your Marriage Relationship
~~~~~~~
J-
Journey Together and Share Expectations
~~~~~~~
K-
Know How to Have Fun Together
~~~~~~~
L-
Love is a Decision
~~~~~~~
M-
Make Time for Being Alone Together
~~~~~~~
N-
Negativity is Death Dealing in Any Relationship
~~~~~~~
O-
Obliterate Jumping to Conclusions
~~~~~~~
P-
Plan for Passion
~~~~~~~
Q-
Quit Quarrelling Constantly -- If the issue is over 48 hours old, let it go!
~~~~~~~
R-
Remember Special Days
~~~~~~~
S-
Share Feelings on a Daily Basis
~~~~~~~
T-
Take Lots of Pictures and Create Great Memories
~~~~~~~
U-
Unity Creates Joy
~~~~~~~
V-
Vacations are Not Luxuries - Make Time to Re-Create
~~~~~~~
W-
Write Love Letters to One Another
~~~~~~~
X-
Xmas is a Time for Building Traditions, Not for Creating Tension
~~~~~~~
Y-
Yearn for a Great Marriage, Not Just a Good One, By Supporting One Another
~~~~~~~
Z-
Zestfulness Breeds Excitement
~~~~~~~
Abandon Selfishness and Be Open to Change
~~~~~~~
B-
Bestow Praise on One Another
~~~~~~~
C-
Call Home if Running Late
~~~~~~~
D-
Dream Dreams Together
~~~~~~~
E-
Enjoy Learning New Discoveries About One Another
~~~~~~~
F-
Flowers Say Much
~~~~~~~
G-
Grins Can Be Life Giving in Your Marriage
~~~~~~~
H-
Hands are for Holding
~~~~~~~
I-
Invest Your Time, Talent and Treasure on Your Marriage Relationship
~~~~~~~
J-
Journey Together and Share Expectations
~~~~~~~
K-
Know How to Have Fun Together
~~~~~~~
L-
Love is a Decision
~~~~~~~
M-
Make Time for Being Alone Together
~~~~~~~
N-
Negativity is Death Dealing in Any Relationship
~~~~~~~
O-
Obliterate Jumping to Conclusions
~~~~~~~
P-
Plan for Passion
~~~~~~~
Q-
Quit Quarrelling Constantly -- If the issue is over 48 hours old, let it go!
~~~~~~~
R-
Remember Special Days
~~~~~~~
S-
Share Feelings on a Daily Basis
~~~~~~~
T-
Take Lots of Pictures and Create Great Memories
~~~~~~~
U-
Unity Creates Joy
~~~~~~~
V-
Vacations are Not Luxuries - Make Time to Re-Create
~~~~~~~
W-
Write Love Letters to One Another
~~~~~~~
X-
Xmas is a Time for Building Traditions, Not for Creating Tension
~~~~~~~
Y-
Yearn for a Great Marriage, Not Just a Good One, By Supporting One Another
~~~~~~~
Z-
Zestfulness Breeds Excitement
~~~~~~~
February 25, 2008
Enjoy your day
One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written:"Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away.We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym".
In the beginning,they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues,but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.The more people reached the coffin,the more the excitement heated up.Everyone thought:"Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!".
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin,and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless.They stood nearby the coffin,shocked and in silence,as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.There was a mirror inside the coffin:everyone who looked inside it could see himself.There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:"There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU.
You are the only person who can revolutionize your life.You are the only person who can influence your happiness,your realization and your success.You are the only person who can help yourself.Your life does not change when your boss changes,when your friends change,when your parents change,when your partner changes,when your company changes.Your life changes when YOU change,when you go beyond your limiting beliefs,when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life."The most important relationship you can have,is the one you have with yourself"
Examine yourself,watch yourself.Don't be afraid of difficulties,impossibilities and losses:be a winner,build yourself and your reality.The world is like a mirror: it gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed.
The world and your reality are like mirrors laying in a coffin,which show to any individual the death of his divine capability to imagine and create his happiness and his success.It's the way you face Life that makes the difference
Personal Growth, Personal Independence : The Limit Is Me
In the beginning,they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues,but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.The more people reached the coffin,the more the excitement heated up.Everyone thought:"Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!".
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin,and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless.They stood nearby the coffin,shocked and in silence,as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.There was a mirror inside the coffin:everyone who looked inside it could see himself.There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:"There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU.
You are the only person who can revolutionize your life.You are the only person who can influence your happiness,your realization and your success.You are the only person who can help yourself.Your life does not change when your boss changes,when your friends change,when your parents change,when your partner changes,when your company changes.Your life changes when YOU change,when you go beyond your limiting beliefs,when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life."The most important relationship you can have,is the one you have with yourself"
Examine yourself,watch yourself.Don't be afraid of difficulties,impossibilities and losses:be a winner,build yourself and your reality.The world is like a mirror: it gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed.
The world and your reality are like mirrors laying in a coffin,which show to any individual the death of his divine capability to imagine and create his happiness and his success.It's the way you face Life that makes the difference
Personal Growth, Personal Independence : The Limit Is Me
February 22, 2008
Cherish your friends
Do u know d relationship b/w ur two Eyes?
They blick together,
They move together,
They cry together,
They see things together and they sleep together, But they never see
each other.
That is what friendship is.
That aspiration is ur motivation
Ur motivation is ur belief
Ur belief is ur peace, Ur peace is ur target, Ur target is Heaven,
Life is like hell without friends.
They blick together,
They move together,
They cry together,
They see things together and they sleep together, But they never see
each other.
That is what friendship is.
That aspiration is ur motivation
Ur motivation is ur belief
Ur belief is ur peace, Ur peace is ur target, Ur target is Heaven,
Life is like hell without friends.
Love your partner unconditioanally
Valentine week has come and gone but couples must continue to express love that should abound between them. It should be borne in mind that the institution of marriage was ordained by God right from time immemorial. After the creation of Adam, God deemed it necessary to provide him with a “help meet” by the name Eve.It was and has ever been the interest of God to see marriage couples live together in peace and love.
The basis of every marriage should transcend beyond nothing but love. A marriage void of love between both spouses is bound to collapse at the slightest occurrence of life’s turbulent sea. The force of love remains the only cord that can bind both couples together till death do them apart. That love should be tantamount to an attraction that exists between a magnet and a piece of metal. It would be completely ironic to see a man or woman ashamed to be seen together with his/her partner in public.When you become very uncomfortable to be around your spouse in public, then it goes to prove that there isn’t that passion and love for her.
The quest for love has to be the foundation of a marriage.Experience has shown that if the husband loves his wife with passion and true love,ninety percent of the time the wife would reciprocate that love.The end product is abundant peace and harmony in the home.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of marriages shattered by hatred, bitterness and regret. Some husbands would say clandestinely, “How in the world did I marry this woman? She is quite older in age, not as educated as I am, not attractive, so tiny or too fat.” The Bible says “Husbands, love your wives…” It’s too late; you really have no choice at this time. Whether your wife is five or more years older than you, not attractive, and not as educated, you have been instructed to love her. Doing otherwise would be a clear violation of the scriptures.
If you refer to yourself as a husband and you have perfected the act of refraining from helping your wife to shoulder most of her burdens,then you are not fit to be a husband.You seat and watch that poor woman do all the domestic work at home even after she returns from a stressful day at work.All you do is to treat her like a slave and a second class being.From all life’s ramifications,your wife is supposed to be an embodiment of your joy and all your accomplishments.Remember that “a bird at hand is worth twice in the bush.If you are thinking about extramarital affairs or trying to divorce your wife for a demonic loser Jezebel out there,you could be gambling with your entire life’s prospect.Whether your wife is tiny,fat,uneducated, ugly,too short,have attitude problem,an introvert,an extrovert,medical problems, disable,and so on:you have been instructed by God to love her.
As a provider,you are using the excuse of a busy work and tight schedule to deny your wife the love,passion and care she needs,it would be indistinguishable to Christ denying you of His love,forgiveness and compassion.Love your wife,cherish her,admonish her and be tender hearted towards her.Always remember the first time you met her and fell in love with her.Let that love be rekindled and you will feel the express peace of God overshadow your home once again.
Finally, remember that your eternal destiny could be determined by how your treat your wife.
The basis of every marriage should transcend beyond nothing but love. A marriage void of love between both spouses is bound to collapse at the slightest occurrence of life’s turbulent sea. The force of love remains the only cord that can bind both couples together till death do them apart. That love should be tantamount to an attraction that exists between a magnet and a piece of metal. It would be completely ironic to see a man or woman ashamed to be seen together with his/her partner in public.When you become very uncomfortable to be around your spouse in public, then it goes to prove that there isn’t that passion and love for her.
The quest for love has to be the foundation of a marriage.Experience has shown that if the husband loves his wife with passion and true love,ninety percent of the time the wife would reciprocate that love.The end product is abundant peace and harmony in the home.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of marriages shattered by hatred, bitterness and regret. Some husbands would say clandestinely, “How in the world did I marry this woman? She is quite older in age, not as educated as I am, not attractive, so tiny or too fat.” The Bible says “Husbands, love your wives…” It’s too late; you really have no choice at this time. Whether your wife is five or more years older than you, not attractive, and not as educated, you have been instructed to love her. Doing otherwise would be a clear violation of the scriptures.
If you refer to yourself as a husband and you have perfected the act of refraining from helping your wife to shoulder most of her burdens,then you are not fit to be a husband.You seat and watch that poor woman do all the domestic work at home even after she returns from a stressful day at work.All you do is to treat her like a slave and a second class being.From all life’s ramifications,your wife is supposed to be an embodiment of your joy and all your accomplishments.Remember that “a bird at hand is worth twice in the bush.If you are thinking about extramarital affairs or trying to divorce your wife for a demonic loser Jezebel out there,you could be gambling with your entire life’s prospect.Whether your wife is tiny,fat,uneducated, ugly,too short,have attitude problem,an introvert,an extrovert,medical problems, disable,and so on:you have been instructed by God to love her.
As a provider,you are using the excuse of a busy work and tight schedule to deny your wife the love,passion and care she needs,it would be indistinguishable to Christ denying you of His love,forgiveness and compassion.Love your wife,cherish her,admonish her and be tender hearted towards her.Always remember the first time you met her and fell in love with her.Let that love be rekindled and you will feel the express peace of God overshadow your home once again.
Finally, remember that your eternal destiny could be determined by how your treat your wife.
February 20, 2008
I AM THANKFUL
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF
LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
FOR COMMENTS ON MY BLOG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF
LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
FOR COMMENTS ON MY BLOG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.
February 16, 2008
My Valentine note to my husband
My husband na typical Africa man that doesnt belief in Valentine celebration but woman go be woman and will always have that feeling to be part of the celebration,so i decided to drop the note for him since he is not a card person.
Valentine's love from me to you from the bottom of my heart.Valentine is a day to honor those we love;I choose to honor you,as well as God above.Love is not red roses,or a fancy dinner for two;Love is meant for all as Christ is meant for you. Love is not rich chocolates,or a bottle of pink champagne;Love is full of kindness, through God,you can attain.Love is very patient,made up of words so kind;Forgiveness is of love,with a humbleness of mind.I send to you my love,on this Valentine's Day; Filled with joy and peace,in God's loving way.
Valentine's love from me to you from the bottom of my heart.Valentine is a day to honor those we love;I choose to honor you,as well as God above.Love is not red roses,or a fancy dinner for two;Love is meant for all as Christ is meant for you. Love is not rich chocolates,or a bottle of pink champagne;Love is full of kindness, through God,you can attain.Love is very patient,made up of words so kind;Forgiveness is of love,with a humbleness of mind.I send to you my love,on this Valentine's Day; Filled with joy and peace,in God's loving way.
February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine Day
Have a fun filled day with your love ones and dont forget to pray for them as well,remember the motherless babies and the orphans.
February 12, 2008
Keep It Burning
ONE. Give your spouse more than he expect and do it cheerfully this Valentine
TWO. He is yours; you must love to talk to him. As you get older, the conversational skills will be as important as any other thing.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear about him.
FOUR . When you tell him, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," make eye contact with him.
SIX. Create time together to know yourself more.
SEVEN. Believe in the love you share.
EIGHT. Never laugh at his dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love him deeply and passionately.You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge him by his relative behaviors.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When he asks you a question you don't want to answer to avoid argument,smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Just remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear him sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you quarrel, don’t lose the lesson you learnt from it
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure your relationship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when talking to him even when he annoys you. He will notice it and make amends.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone everyday
February 8, 2008
LAUGH AND TAKE AWAY THE STREES
One day Kyle's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?" Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face.
His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth. Why are you late?" "Dad, I went to a movie" "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments" Immediately, Kyle got a slap on the face from the robot. "Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved" Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!" To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face!
How nice?
Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?" Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face.
His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth. Why are you late?" "Dad, I went to a movie" "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments" Immediately, Kyle got a slap on the face from the robot. "Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved" Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!" To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face!
How nice?
February 7, 2008
February 5, 2008
The Seven Lies of Marriage
LIE #1: All you need is love.
The reality is that marital bliss is a myth.As long as we raise our children, especially girls,to believe that marriage is the solution to life's problems and essential for personal happiness,we will continue to have many couples marrying with little appreciation for the true difficulties and complexities of married life.We were made to belief that romantic love is sufficient to create marital bliss leaving couples unskilled in developing and unprepared to manage sustained intimate relationships.As wonderful as love is,it doesn't conquer all alone and certainly won't prevent or solve your marital problems.
Lie #2: I talk all the time,my spouse just doesn't listen
We live in an era that encourages us to be open about our feelings but doesn't teach us how to differentiate between helpful and harmful feelings.Our mothers advise us to "tell it like it is" and be honest,so our partners will know how we really feel and what we really need but the truth is that brutal honesty too often encourages brutality more than honesty.Spouses use their version of the truth to bludgeon their partners into submission.
Lie #3: People don't really change
Many of us believe thatour spouses can't change all that much or that nothing in a marriage can change unless both partners change.These incorrect and pessimistic beliefs sabotage efforts to improve the marriage.The truth is that most people go about trying to change their relationships in unproductive ways,get frustrated by the results and then claim that the result proves that people don't change and many of us are so fearful of real change that we run for the escape hatch rather than commit to the hard work involved in getting what we say we want.And even if one partner is adamantly set against change,there's a lot the other partner can do to foster change in the marriage anyway.
Lie #4: When you marry, you create your own family legacy
When we become husbands, wives and parents,the models we saw and leftover conflicts we experienced within our families of origin emerge from our psyches and take over our intimate relationships.In this highly mobile society,we tend to live farther from our parents.Paradoxically,their influence may be greater than ever because they're not around,we're less likely to be aware of how we unthinkingly act in line or in opposition to the way they raised us.Its shocking to find out that our family seriously influences us if we consciously chosen to behave differently from them. Spouses who don't appreciate the power their original families exert on their values and styles tend to have particularly tenacious problems in their marriages.
Lie #5: Egalitarian marriage is easier than traditional marriage
In this modern days,we expect that chores will be split,family responsibilities should be divided fairly and decision-making power will be shared.The husband respects his wife's work and shares in family life,never insisting on being in control based on financial earnings or gender.Equality in theory is wonderful;in reality,spouses in trouble often are conflicted over gender role expectations and responsibilities.Men tend to feel unappreciated for what they do well,for working hard away from home and for any chores they agree to do in the house.Likewise,women who work away from the home and then return to care for their households and children often feel equally unappreciated for their extra work.The confusion over gender-role expectations,the mutual feeling of insufficient appreciation and the unresolved resentment this fosters between spouses are killing many marriages.
Lie #6: Children solidify a marriage
It's very, very difficult to admit that the children you love so much can drive a wedge into your life as a couple, especially if one of the reasons you got married in the first place was to have a family. However, the reality is that in a world where married partners already work too hard and don't spend enough time with each other, the addition of children to your life usually eats up the remaining physical and emotional energy you had for each other.The trust is:If you want to preserve your marriage,your children cannot always come first.As counterintuitive as it may sound,in your marriage,your spouse must come first,not only for your sake but also so that your children can grow up within an intact family.
Lie #7: The sexual revolution has made great sex easier than ever.
Yes,sex is everywhere and information about how to have it is more readily available than ever,why aren't we having more fun in our bed? It's because the two of us are never really alone there;those ubiquitous images of everyone else having great sex have paradoxically made it more difficult for you to relax and have a satisfying sex life.They make you feel that you or your partner can never measure up,that there's someone out there who's more attractive to you or will be more attracted by you and that you are missing out because everyone else is having more fun than you are.They make you believe that the natural evolution of a relationship,from the dazzling fireworks of infatuation and early courtship to the steadier,calmer flame of a mature partnership,represents loss of pleasure and acceptance of the mundane
The reality is that marital bliss is a myth.As long as we raise our children, especially girls,to believe that marriage is the solution to life's problems and essential for personal happiness,we will continue to have many couples marrying with little appreciation for the true difficulties and complexities of married life.We were made to belief that romantic love is sufficient to create marital bliss leaving couples unskilled in developing and unprepared to manage sustained intimate relationships.As wonderful as love is,it doesn't conquer all alone and certainly won't prevent or solve your marital problems.
Lie #2: I talk all the time,my spouse just doesn't listen
We live in an era that encourages us to be open about our feelings but doesn't teach us how to differentiate between helpful and harmful feelings.Our mothers advise us to "tell it like it is" and be honest,so our partners will know how we really feel and what we really need but the truth is that brutal honesty too often encourages brutality more than honesty.Spouses use their version of the truth to bludgeon their partners into submission.
Lie #3: People don't really change
Many of us believe thatour spouses can't change all that much or that nothing in a marriage can change unless both partners change.These incorrect and pessimistic beliefs sabotage efforts to improve the marriage.The truth is that most people go about trying to change their relationships in unproductive ways,get frustrated by the results and then claim that the result proves that people don't change and many of us are so fearful of real change that we run for the escape hatch rather than commit to the hard work involved in getting what we say we want.And even if one partner is adamantly set against change,there's a lot the other partner can do to foster change in the marriage anyway.
Lie #4: When you marry, you create your own family legacy
When we become husbands, wives and parents,the models we saw and leftover conflicts we experienced within our families of origin emerge from our psyches and take over our intimate relationships.In this highly mobile society,we tend to live farther from our parents.Paradoxically,their influence may be greater than ever because they're not around,we're less likely to be aware of how we unthinkingly act in line or in opposition to the way they raised us.Its shocking to find out that our family seriously influences us if we consciously chosen to behave differently from them. Spouses who don't appreciate the power their original families exert on their values and styles tend to have particularly tenacious problems in their marriages.
Lie #5: Egalitarian marriage is easier than traditional marriage
In this modern days,we expect that chores will be split,family responsibilities should be divided fairly and decision-making power will be shared.The husband respects his wife's work and shares in family life,never insisting on being in control based on financial earnings or gender.Equality in theory is wonderful;in reality,spouses in trouble often are conflicted over gender role expectations and responsibilities.Men tend to feel unappreciated for what they do well,for working hard away from home and for any chores they agree to do in the house.Likewise,women who work away from the home and then return to care for their households and children often feel equally unappreciated for their extra work.The confusion over gender-role expectations,the mutual feeling of insufficient appreciation and the unresolved resentment this fosters between spouses are killing many marriages.
Lie #6: Children solidify a marriage
It's very, very difficult to admit that the children you love so much can drive a wedge into your life as a couple, especially if one of the reasons you got married in the first place was to have a family. However, the reality is that in a world where married partners already work too hard and don't spend enough time with each other, the addition of children to your life usually eats up the remaining physical and emotional energy you had for each other.The trust is:If you want to preserve your marriage,your children cannot always come first.As counterintuitive as it may sound,in your marriage,your spouse must come first,not only for your sake but also so that your children can grow up within an intact family.
Lie #7: The sexual revolution has made great sex easier than ever.
Yes,sex is everywhere and information about how to have it is more readily available than ever,why aren't we having more fun in our bed? It's because the two of us are never really alone there;those ubiquitous images of everyone else having great sex have paradoxically made it more difficult for you to relax and have a satisfying sex life.They make you feel that you or your partner can never measure up,that there's someone out there who's more attractive to you or will be more attracted by you and that you are missing out because everyone else is having more fun than you are.They make you believe that the natural evolution of a relationship,from the dazzling fireworks of infatuation and early courtship to the steadier,calmer flame of a mature partnership,represents loss of pleasure and acceptance of the mundane
February 1, 2008
A Marriage Riddle
My husband and I were living in different cities while
we were courting. We spent a considerable amount of
time on the phone. During the week, we talked through
him preparing his coffee and sandwich for breakfast.
In the evening, we talked through him putting his
dinner together when he got back from work. On most
Saturday mornings, he would be busy cleaning his
apartment. In the afternoons, he did his laundry and
took his cloths to the dry cleaners, and most evening,
he would cook. He drove himself around - to church, to
do his grocery shopping, to the dry cleaners -
everywhere, really. It was this very active guy I got
engaged to, and eventually married. This background
information is necessary to understand this marriage
riddle.
Since we got married and I have moved in with my
husband, he has not operated the washing machine once.
He can barely tell the difference between the laundry
basket and the dry cleaning bag. And he has not been
able to find his way to the dry cleaners - not for a
drop -off, or a pick-up.
Today, my husband finds it challenging to put the
kettle to boil - even when he walks past the kitchen
to sit at the computer. Just the other day, he called
to say he was getting home early, and would like to
eat 'something good.' Maybe I have an over imaginative
mind, but that seemed to suggest to me that he had
been eating 'something bad.' This from a guy who comes
home faithfully to eat everyday. I thought that
sentence qualified him for a dinner plate of sand
laced with some pebbles and grass from the front lawn,
but I said nothing. He goes on to elaborate on the
particular soup he wanted - ponmo, kpanla and the
works, and then says how I don't have to make a lot.
In his last statement was the real revelation of the
conversation. You see, my husband wasn't asking me to
make soup because there was no food at home. Seeing
how his vision is excellent, I know he saw the
containers of two different soups I brought out of the
freezer the previous night. And that is really the
contention - don't cook enough so that you need to
freeze it. Just cook enough for one or two meals. This
from a guy who used to be glad to come home from work
and find left overs from three months ago to eat when
he was single! Okay, I exaggerate, but you get the
idea.
Since we got married, I have found out that whatever I
can do, my husband does not bother with. And because I
have done things myself forever, what I can do covers
pretty much everything. I get to go to the mechanic. I
get to drive. No, I don't mean like drive when I have
to pick him up from the airport. I mean like be the
designated driver when we both leave the house
together. Thankfully, I had enough sense never to mow
the lawn no matter how much I was tempted. I know what
you are thinking - now my husband will know that I can
mow the lawn. Yes. But he will also know that someone
is bound to ask me, ' so did he make you mow the lawn
thereafter?' Trust me, he will be mowing the lawn
himself.
Don't get me wrong, my husband does do some work
around the house ever so irregularly. And when he
does, it is with such fanfare that I find myself
thinking: 'I'm sure my husband just qualified for some
award. I wish I knew which one, and the appropriate
authorities to notify.'
I've tried to discuss this issue with my sisters and
some friends. I get this amazing answer all the time-
'that's how man are. They are babies.' I don't buy it.
I will tell you why. We do things for babies because
they have never learnt to do anything for themselves!
And once they learn, they are forever offering to
help! Mummy, can I help you with this? Aunty, can I
help you with that? Babies learn and become very
helpful until they become teenagers and dare I say,
husbands!
For the avoidance of doubt, I don't mind doing all
this work. I like the feeling of having gone from
feeling like a super star when I cooked every now and
then, to becoming a full-time chef. To no longer
taking turns in cleaning the house as I did when I
lived with my sister, to being a full -time
housekeeper and washerwoman. Infact, my sisters were
very proud of me, when the visited last month, they
were ready to nominate me for an award! They didn't
know which one, or who to notify.
So, here really is my riddle. Did I just take a very
active man and reduce him to an invalid by marrying
him and moving in with him? Am I short-changing him,
developing my skills in home and life management while
his becomes non-existent? Or does marriage really
return men to the baby stage in life, when they know
how to do nothing, and need to be waited upon hand and
foot? Is that fair on men? I wonder, I really do.
we were courting. We spent a considerable amount of
time on the phone. During the week, we talked through
him preparing his coffee and sandwich for breakfast.
In the evening, we talked through him putting his
dinner together when he got back from work. On most
Saturday mornings, he would be busy cleaning his
apartment. In the afternoons, he did his laundry and
took his cloths to the dry cleaners, and most evening,
he would cook. He drove himself around - to church, to
do his grocery shopping, to the dry cleaners -
everywhere, really. It was this very active guy I got
engaged to, and eventually married. This background
information is necessary to understand this marriage
riddle.
Since we got married and I have moved in with my
husband, he has not operated the washing machine once.
He can barely tell the difference between the laundry
basket and the dry cleaning bag. And he has not been
able to find his way to the dry cleaners - not for a
drop -off, or a pick-up.
Today, my husband finds it challenging to put the
kettle to boil - even when he walks past the kitchen
to sit at the computer. Just the other day, he called
to say he was getting home early, and would like to
eat 'something good.' Maybe I have an over imaginative
mind, but that seemed to suggest to me that he had
been eating 'something bad.' This from a guy who comes
home faithfully to eat everyday. I thought that
sentence qualified him for a dinner plate of sand
laced with some pebbles and grass from the front lawn,
but I said nothing. He goes on to elaborate on the
particular soup he wanted - ponmo, kpanla and the
works, and then says how I don't have to make a lot.
In his last statement was the real revelation of the
conversation. You see, my husband wasn't asking me to
make soup because there was no food at home. Seeing
how his vision is excellent, I know he saw the
containers of two different soups I brought out of the
freezer the previous night. And that is really the
contention - don't cook enough so that you need to
freeze it. Just cook enough for one or two meals. This
from a guy who used to be glad to come home from work
and find left overs from three months ago to eat when
he was single! Okay, I exaggerate, but you get the
idea.
Since we got married, I have found out that whatever I
can do, my husband does not bother with. And because I
have done things myself forever, what I can do covers
pretty much everything. I get to go to the mechanic. I
get to drive. No, I don't mean like drive when I have
to pick him up from the airport. I mean like be the
designated driver when we both leave the house
together. Thankfully, I had enough sense never to mow
the lawn no matter how much I was tempted. I know what
you are thinking - now my husband will know that I can
mow the lawn. Yes. But he will also know that someone
is bound to ask me, ' so did he make you mow the lawn
thereafter?' Trust me, he will be mowing the lawn
himself.
Don't get me wrong, my husband does do some work
around the house ever so irregularly. And when he
does, it is with such fanfare that I find myself
thinking: 'I'm sure my husband just qualified for some
award. I wish I knew which one, and the appropriate
authorities to notify.'
I've tried to discuss this issue with my sisters and
some friends. I get this amazing answer all the time-
'that's how man are. They are babies.' I don't buy it.
I will tell you why. We do things for babies because
they have never learnt to do anything for themselves!
And once they learn, they are forever offering to
help! Mummy, can I help you with this? Aunty, can I
help you with that? Babies learn and become very
helpful until they become teenagers and dare I say,
husbands!
For the avoidance of doubt, I don't mind doing all
this work. I like the feeling of having gone from
feeling like a super star when I cooked every now and
then, to becoming a full-time chef. To no longer
taking turns in cleaning the house as I did when I
lived with my sister, to being a full -time
housekeeper and washerwoman. Infact, my sisters were
very proud of me, when the visited last month, they
were ready to nominate me for an award! They didn't
know which one, or who to notify.
So, here really is my riddle. Did I just take a very
active man and reduce him to an invalid by marrying
him and moving in with him? Am I short-changing him,
developing my skills in home and life management while
his becomes non-existent? Or does marriage really
return men to the baby stage in life, when they know
how to do nothing, and need to be waited upon hand and
foot? Is that fair on men? I wonder, I really do.
Never argue with a woman who reads
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"."Reading a book," she replies,(thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading".
"Yes, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.
If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.It's likely she can also think
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"."Reading a book," she replies,(thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading".
"Yes, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.
If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.It's likely she can also think
