September 17, 2007


I had time over the weekend to visit most of my favourite blogs(still battling with my new template on how to input my favourite blogs) and realised that lots of my blog friends are leaving the blogville and somehow i can understand with them.I started this blog with the aim of putting down my personal experiences in marriage and relate it to how culture made it possible for women to be unfairly treated in Africa but i had to change the theme as i got all kind of abusive mails from readers and especially men and even,some threating to unveil my identity and since i want to remain anonymous,i just mellow down and refocuss my energy on marriage and issues surrounding it.I would have given up-thanks to refinedone who encourage me to continue despite all that.This is to my friends leaving temporarily or permanent for some reasons:

-Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.

-Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it.

-Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.

-Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage.


Sherri said...

i tried to refrain from posting a response, but i feel compelled to respond.
i stopped reading ur blog cos i felt u weren't been true to urself.
people abused and threatened u, so u throw in the towel? and give up?
do u realize that by giving up u are in essence perpertuating the the injury? the injury and the abuse meted out to women, not just in naija but all over the u realize u are letting "them" (we know the likes of people who resort to verbal abuse and threats) silence u? or u just want to be the good and meek woman just like society expects?
i hope u don't perceive me as abusing or yelling at u. it's just that, it grieves me to see a beautiful,vivacious, and obviously intelligent woman like urself let society continue to stiffle her.
i know u have "it" in u, u could have been blogging about the lastest fashion,ur newest acquistion or social events, etc.( not that there's anything wrong with them) but u didn't, u chose to blog about marriage in naija for that matter!
i know from experience that standing up for beliefs,for justice, for rights, is not an easy task, but not standing up is equally hard and unthinkable for me.
as a matter of fact, my activism is the only impediment to the future of my relationship with someone special in my life right now.he's not against it, he says he's afraid of emotional rollercoaster of the high and lows involved.. lol

i wish u joy,happiness, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding.
Emi (life)

Nijawife said...

My sister i feel you and can understand your position.I will still outline those issues in my discussions but will not personalise it.Someday,i will be bold enough to go all the way,meanwhile let me still continue to tread softly with the belief that somehow my messages make difference in some people life.Thanks for still visiting my blog

Anonymous said...

Dear Nijawife

well done on your effort. I can imagine it has been a herculean task for you. I hope you have gotten some strength and relief out of your blogging experience.

I was brought up around absolutely crazy Nigerian marriages, right from the age of 4, I can clearly remember being with my parents when they had been called to settle serious fights among husbands and wives. Wives with broken teeth and faces most of the time. As I grew up those marriages got worse, the wives infected with all manner of disease, wives were kicked out, some wives died and were replaced, etc. I was surrounded by murmuring, battered bruised, angry wives most of the time. By the time I was a teenager I was determined not to marry!

As I grew older I grew wiser. At the end of the day, each of those wives believed they had a reason to stay and take all they did. They may have done it because of fear, selfishness, insecurity, loneliness, lack of finance.I don't know why they did it but they did because they were convinced that was the way to go about it and maybe hope for the best at the end. Maybe they hope family and society (and probably the Almighty) will vindicate them at the end.

Each situation is different. Deep down each person knows what they can or cannot take. I am married today with kids on the way.

Your situation is personal and I believe you can find the wisdom and strength to deal with it. Get a good support group. Usually women with good marriages (good that you can see not the ones they say with mouth only!)

Relax, don't try to do too much or overwhelm yourself in trying to make your marriage work. The only person you can control at the end of the day is you.

You are only human. You need to keep healthy for the assignment God has given you and your family (it is still young)
One day at a time.
It can get better.

Nwanyi Oma

Anonymous said...

your blog is so important. i wish you wouldn't let people silence your voice. we need more women like you.
besides, nobody knows you here... they're probably lying.