June 11, 2007

Woman Seeking Man

Churches and i guess mosques get many prayer requests for a mate.
Many are lonely and seek a spouse.

They also get many more prayer requests from those who need help in
dealing with the spouse that they already have.

This issue may help many women (and men) who are desperately
looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Some have even settled for
Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.
The phenomenon affects more women than men.

Society and perhaps biology have long ago programmed women to
believe that they need to be married early. Good marriage is a
good thing, make no mistake about that, but so many rush
headlong into misery.

Let me give those rushing and anxious souls something to
consider that may make the wait far more tolerable.

1. Over half of all marriages end in divorce.The figures are
now moving closer to two out of three.This figure might look debatable
among the experts but one thing is sure, it's a high figure.

Divorce is rated as the second most traumatic event in life,
second only to death of a spouse.

By the time people divorce, they have usually gone through many
years of unhappiness.Chances are only four out of ten that won't divorce.

2.A survey asked couples married for 25 years or more
one question.

The question was:
"If you could get married all over again,
would you marry the same person?"

The results says-50% said yes, but 50% said no.

Half of the couples married for over 25 years said they would
NOT marry that person again.Needless to say, those were not 25
years of bliss.Those couples were not happy.

I know from dealing with people that those stats are accurate.

So here is the breakdown.

According to the stats, if you marry, there is a one in five
chance that you will be together 25 years later and not regret
whom you married.

One in five!

Marriage is a great thing when it is right.

When it is very wrong, you are far better off remaining single.

Its better when "You asked you are not married at 35?"
politely says "No,".

"but I'm not divorced either."

Take your time.
Become content.
Know the truth that it is better to remain single than to go
through a tumultuous divorce or be stuck with someone whom you
really regret you married in haste.

There is one other bit of advice.
In most cases where the marriage has really gone sour, almost without fail, one of their parents had told them not to marry the person.

Listen to mama and daddy.

It may save you many headaches and heartaches from what you are
rushing off to do.

23 comments:

Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

Anonymous said...

Where did u get your stats and in which population was this survey u refer to carried out? I'm sure it is an American/Western European survey and American/Western European statistics. We should try to be scientific when we decide to refer to statistics because you cannot convince me that these numbers are generalisable to Naija and naija marriages.
MOST DEFINITELY, 50% of marriages do not end in divorce. That number is not even close to 10%. When was the last time someone you know got divorced? Don't just bandy about numbers you read in "away" newspapers without trying to make sense of them in our own context. I live in America. Oyinbo people are generally an unhappy, selfish bunch so it doesn't surprise me that divorce/separation rates are so high. We should not try and identify with this terrible aspect of their society (which is what i suspect you are trying to do.

Anonymous said...

Very well written and also very very true

Anonymous said...

In Nigeria many women are unhappy in their marriages but still stay because of the fear of the stigma of divorce. If the stigma wasn't there I'm sure there will be at least a 50% divorce rate like the western world so these statistics still apply.

Ishtar said...

Sorry anonymouses, I don't think the Western divorce rate applies to Niger or Nigeria. It may do so in the future, but as I see it, we're a loooong way from that now.

ababoypart2 said...

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence - Oscar Wilde

Ubong Da said...

So Anaijawife let me ask you this question. If you were to marry today would you still marry the same man you are with?

Jola Naibi said...

I did not get a chance to read this yet...but wanted to take the time to remind you that this Friday - the 15th is the deadline for submission of articles for the Nigerian Bloggers book. Please send blog entries prior to May 14 to nigerianbloggers@yahoo.com. More information is available at the following link - http://jolanaibi.blogspot.com/2007/05/anthology-of-nigerian-bloggers.html

anijawife said...

My brother ubonge,that question odipa get as it be and allow me to reserve my comment!

Anonymous said...

Naijawife...let's just say you mean NO you will not marry the same person again.

Ubong Da said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ubong Da said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ubong Da said...

Hmmm. I hope you are not one of those babes who believe the grass is greener on the other side.

Every marriage has its own challenges, none and I repeat none is perfect. Note that not every thing that Glitters is Gold.

Refinedone said...

@ Ubong da- True words!

...I asked myself that same question and my answer was Yes, cos anything that I would have changed or like to change, it's never too late to start making that adjustment now.

...but I guess not all situations are the same. No one marrieage is or can be the same. We can only pick the good things and try it out in ours.

Every marriage is unique, and I believe each couple must find there own grove and flow with it.

As long as there is a unity of mind ( agreement, intimacy and openness)... nothing is impossible.
(IMHO)anyway.

My 2 cents said...

Well said! But my 2 cents will be that this lifetime is too short for anyone to spend the rest of it miserable.

This is not to say that any liasion in life is perfect but marriage is supposed to be sweet.
Some people come out of is scarred and bitter while there are marriages that have stood the test of time because of the maturity of the individuals involved.

My prayer is for everyone to understand the enormity of the union before they get into it,the stats about divorce is not only embarassing but downright shameful especially within Nigerians knowing our orientation.

anijawife said...

I did not say yes or no but will wait till i come back b4 i make that decision and in anycase,who told you i want to come back as human being.

anijawife said...

I did not say yes or no but will wait till i come back b4 i make that decision and in anycase,who told you i want to come back as human being.

Anonymous said...

Nijawife your response is very interesting. So you believe in reincarnation and you also believe you can return as a non human. So what will you like to come back as?

Anonymous said...

Well, I will advice our sisters in particular to avoid copying everything the read about the feministist Western women. There are many reasons that some of them end up in those so called women struggle.. if you look at those in that movement, they are simply those that have lost out.. Because they want to eat their cake and have it..
No marriage is perfect just like no individual is perfect and jumping out of one marriage with hope to get a perfect one is their undoing. Most of those women want to be a woman and at the same time want to be treated as woman. .'Comon you can see it does not work to hold the dor open for a 'man' like me, or help a 'man' like me with carrying a heavy load..
So if a woman want to be a woman to enjoy all the 'goodies' that go with it.. she needs not struggle for the power that after can only be given to her by men anyway.
A good word of advice for my black/brown sisters, from someone well experience in seeing the emptiness that Western women find themselves in as a result of crazy equality struggle.. Yours Naija bros in Sweden..

Eagle's Nest!!! said...

O ga o! The world is in trouble, seriously! Anyways, Anijawife, I'd advise you to toss flaming comments in your thrash can as your piece aptly describes the miseries that many married couples are undergoing.

Eagle's Nest!!! said...

O ga o! The world is in trouble, seriously! Anyways, Anijawife, I'd advise you to toss flaming comments in your thrash can as your piece aptly describes the miseries that many married couples are undergoing.

Anonymous said...

Great post, I am almost 100% in agreement with you

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