March 31, 2007

One of my readers who commented on my last post asked me a question-who are you? and seriously i dont know and it kind of get to me and iam asking myself that same question and i seem not to know the answer.How do i begin to define myself:Growing up in the family of four girls and two boys wasnt fun due to family interferance but thank God,our daddy is one of those men who dont take any nonsense from anybody when it comes to his immediate family and even we children,if he sense we are behaving somehow to his wife,he will quickly called us to order and that formed part of my stand on how a family should be.My father relations just resent my mother for populating their son/brother house with girls and since then,i made up my mind to be somebody.I remember my undegraduate days when the boys in my class were always taunting me with their words-why are you giving yourself this stress and what are you trying to proof,you are a girl and whether you flogged us in class or not,all those your brain will evaporate when you face the real challenges of life as a woman and they always say the only achievement for a woman is getting a husband and having kids and those days,i used to argued with them but alas they were right-in Africa,the best a woman can become is a wife and mother and any other thing is secondary.By the time i finished service and got a job in a bank,the next sermon i heard was how its better to get settle on time so that you can have your kids early and you can later face your career squarely and if you want to go further in your education,atleast you will be doing that in your husband house and nobody ever made me realise that life is not as easy as that.I entered the institution with a lot of zeal and love,i wanted to be the best woman any man would be proud of and in the process never set a boundary,i became a footmat to everybody.After devoting almost fifteen years of my life to raising kids and making my husband happy,i wanted more from life than just that.So,defining who iam might not be so easy as iam just starting to rediscover myself.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

here is a hug from me to you...

Anonymous said...

That you are aware that you may have become "lost"in the process of being a good wife is great. So I say, goodluck, and may the best you and living your best life become a reality.

Take care of YOU.

Peace and Love,Reader in Toronto.

chidi said...

i hope that you are able to achieve the goals and aims you set yourself before you got married now. I also used to think that it is better to have children early, take care of them and before they get into promary, get a job and make my own life.Im seriously rethinking it now

Ugo Daniels said...

I hope other women will take a cue from you. You're def. one of a kind. Kuddos

Anonymous said...

You truly have a good heart and God will make a way for you.

I have been married three and a half years and in order not to end up like you, I have and continually let my husband know what I expect of our marriage to make it a successful one. I tell him all the time...I signed up to be happy and I expect nothing less. I don't want to ENDURE being married...I want to ENJOY it.

It has not been without tense moments but the whole idea is for us to BOTH be happy and feel fulfilled and not one person taking the other foregranted.

So far, God has been good.

Read my last post from the in law situation.

Waffarian said...

(I wrote a comment before, it disappeared)

My dear Nijawife, everytime I read you blog, I get so sad because I see something that you don't know. You can't see it, you are blind to what you have. My dear, look at all the things you've gone through, fifteen years and you have managed to pull through, you have kids, a good job. I wll tell you what you have. YOU HAVE STRENGTH.YOU ARE STRONG. Yes, life is hard, life is tough but do you think there's anything tougher or harder than what you've had to endure these past years? If you think so, then you are really underestimating your own strength and capabilities. Everybody in life should forge out their own destinies, don't let others forge a lifetime of being "a doormat" for you.Take your destiny in your hands. You have the strength.Do what you have to do, please, stop thinking about "other people", who've been doing it for 15 years now. Start thinking about yourself.
Nijawife, I know I come across as harsh sometimes, but it is only because I really feel sad, angry and frustrated when I read about your situation. I am really hoping for the best for you, and I'll keep on reading your blog to see how you are doing. Please be strong. Don't ever be a doormat.

anijawife said...

Thanks mam,you said it all and the few people who are close to me says the same thing and they ve all given up on me but i just dont understand how and where.A friend of mine summed it up and said iam my major problem and until i realise how God made me specially for a purpose and ready to take a step,nobody can do it for me.I think iam just an old school person and hate failure of any kind.

Vera Ezimora said...

Naija wife, it's never too later to start. Now that you're ready to define your self, I'm sure you will do it greatly. You may be a wife and mother, but you're you're a woman first. So every once in a while, make sure you take some time to make the woman in you happy. Spoil her because she deserves it. As for your kids, don't worry, the time is coming when they will pay back. Time is coming when they will cherish you more than life itself because they will realise just how much you have done for them and given up for them. They will love you in a way you never thought possible. But for now, they're still young.

Stay Strong!

wienna said...

Happy easter naija wife. Hope u're having a lovely w'kend with yr family. Updates plsss!;)

CONNIE'S THOUGHTS FROM THE HEART said...

I have just found your blog and am anxious to read it all. You may visit mine anytime, your are welcome. connie from Texas

CONNIE'S THOUGHTS FROM THE HEART said...

I would like for you to come visit my blog and meet me and the life I have. It is a wonderful life as a wife and mother and grandmother and greatgrandmother. I have loved all of it for almost 64 years and I would not trade it for anything in the world. Jesus Christ is who has made the difference in my life. Money, not much, worldly goods, not many, love, so much that my heart overflows, peace that no man can give, wealth beyond measure because I am a child of the heavenly king. come meet me and my life at my blog. You deserve so much more. connie from Texas

Anonymous said...

God help you in your quest for self discovery; you are well on your way to freedom because His grace is sufficient.

Blackmamba said...

You are what you choose to be. It's all about choices and the consequences. Family and social pressure plays a huge role in life choices but I rank my personal pursuit of happiness high among the other factors. I am confortable making unpopular choices, as long as, it brings me satisfaction and happiness. Then I can withstand the family and societal backlash that may come with it.

t said...

completely true.

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