February 2, 2007

A friend of mine called from UK around 7am yesterday and i was like hope no problem.After we greeted,he told he called so earlier because he is losing his mind and before he does something terrible,he needed to talk to somebody and the only person who can understand his plight and make his wife reason is me and that i should please not give him excuses on her behalf but talk sense into her.Their problem is that he think he can not tolerate his wife non challant attitude to everything including the kids.He said his wife is more oyinboish than oyinbo,she belief they have equal right and as such they must share the house work equally which he has no qualms about but certain duties belong to the woman and he expect her to know that without being told.The wife expect him to cook if he have to eat Africa food as she prefer to take light food and she is even treating the kids like that and i asked him to give an example-he said the usual pattern is for the kids to take oat in the morning,eat refreshment in school for afternoon and ask them to warm can food for evening so that she wouldnt have to cook and if he threating to go out and eat with his kids,she will just say no problem and wouldnt feel anything.He said he had it up last night when he got back home late and the kids told him they are hungry and will prefer to take eba and their mummy refused to make it and that they should take their usual and they were waiting for him and had to go Niger restaurant again for that.He had reported her severally to her family but she refuse to change.To worsen her situation,she doesnt have pr to make up for all that-she will just be in her own world-sleeping and talking to her friends alone.He is fed up and the kids are not happy but he doesnt want their problems to affect his kids.

I pleaded with him to take things easy and that i will talk to her but on her alienating herself from him,he too should check himself-is he shouting on her,does she a say in his life and does he create that time for her away from kids? i said all these because i am also in that shoe,since i dont want my hussy to shout or put me down-i just swich off when he is at home to basic necessary discussions though he seem not to notice but i know its not okay.What do you all feel about the issue?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

there a several factors to consider here, she could be depressed or she could be reacting to things he does.
the solution is for him to be patient with her and be very supportive.
his saying "some chores belong to the woman" is a bone of contention for african women in the western world simply because, they are expected to work just as hard as the men. i.e. considered as an equal profesionally and financially and yet relegated to an underclass at home! from what i can gather from ur blog, he has made her to feel less than an ideal naijawoman...
he needs to find out what has gone wrong. pointing fingers and talking down to her will not help.the only way is by putting action to his love.. make her feel loved and special, offer to help her cook if he can't cook, buy the foodstuff,take her out,help her put the kids to bed early so both of them can spend time together e.t.c. and see what happens...
Emi (life)

Olufidu said...

First and foremost, whatever issues couples are having should be totally transparent to the kids. What the kids see now goes a long way to shape their future and their perception of marriage. For the couples, let the man know that he is responsible for the atmosphere of peace in his house. I am sure he must have tried the had way to get his wife's attention without result; he should try love. He needs to calm down first and re-build the communication that has already broken down. When he gets her attention, he should remind her of he good old days and how things used to be then ask her what he (and not her) should do to make things like those days and even better. For the woman, she has taken it too far not to feel for her kids. Haba! mothers can go to any length for their kids. She should calm down if for the sake of the kids.At any rate, the man should make the first move to put things right again.