January 16, 2007

Since the beginning of January that i told him that iam fed up of him and his rubbish and that iam too sure he is fed up of me as well and that i have been putting up with his nonsense because of my kids and that i have realised that if i die,my kids will survive and so,in the new year,no more treatment like slave and talking to me anyhow and that he should get over his unnecessary possessive and henceforth i will only do what is convenient for me and not what pleases him.Suprisingly,he never said anything more than if it pays you and you think you can win the battle.

We have been living like two strangers since then though we talk and discuss when its necessary.He has a conference to attend next week outside the country for four days and i had begged him earlier to allow me to follow him since i have a valid visa and can talk to my boss to allow me off for the days but with the recent development,he said i will only see abroad on Tv or in the dailies and what else can i do than to just mellow.

19 comments:

Seun Osewa said...

Sorry about that. :(

michelin89 said...

I feel you a lot. I am just 17 but I am a woman myself and I know the cruelty of this world towards us. I am so happy there are still strong virtuous ladies like you who are ready to fight for their freedom as individuals. Women like you are the ones I have always looked up to. Do not change your way and teach this to your girl too. One day you shall achieve all that you are fighting for!

david said...

sorry. i dont know why men cant just be considerate for a second. It shall be well with you.

Freakyfragile said...

well....maybe u shld travelled out as well, with ur own terms and ur own money. U ain't his slave and don't allow ursef to be treated as one.
In this life I believe u potray ursef the way u waqnt pple to see or treat u!
"YOU ARE THE MASTER OF UR ABILITIES"

Freakyfragile said...

well....maybe u shld travelled out as well, with ur own terms and ur own money. U ain't his slave and don't allow ursef to be treated as one.
In this life I believe u potray ursef the way u waqnt pple to see or treat u!
"YOU ARE THE MASTER OF UR ABILITIES"

twinstaiye said...

hmmmmm, well for now, i still reserved most of my comments, one, because this is one side of the story, two, the story is still young to comments for now. Your blog seems to be one sided, and I hope you are not trying to let the readers believe you are always right and never been wrong. Like I said, too early to comments, so I awaits more of your posts.

Anonymous said...

I commend you for your efforts so far. My parents have been married for 23 years but I ve never really seen love in their relationship. My mom told me that when I was very, young barely five years into their marriage my dad was considering a divorce. They probably never will have one bcos they are christians and I'm praying for the healing of their marriage but as a child, its hard not to see true love in a marriage. This prompted me to search for what can make a loving relationship work. I have never been married so I definitely do not know it all but I know someone who can help. Obviously most people dont have the intention of falling out of love when they get married but something happens along the way. Only God can heal a marriage. Please get Pastor Bimbo Odukoya's books and messages. Dont give up. In a divorced marriage or "hanging in there" marriage the kids will feel it. The couples feel literally torn apart and betrayed in a divorce. Divorce is not an option because it ws not God's intention. You need to pray that the love you once felt for your husband that made you want to spend the rest of your life with him will be awakened. You need to feel complete in God and forgive your husband so you can love again. Pray that God will change your husbands heart and teach him that love is not domineering but at the same time love is not rude too. I'm talking about you now but your husband has to be involved too cos it takes two united in God to make a marriage work. Life is too short to not make it work. I'll pray for you.

Seun Osewa said...

You need to realise that your husband is also a victim here. He's been brought up to believe that a husband that doesn't dominate his wife in a certain way is not respectable. Your common enemy is the culture gap. Your common enemy is your failure to explore your deep differences before getting married.

Your husband thinks it's a battle, bu what he doesn't know is that he cannot win and you cannot win either. Both of you are going to lose this battle unless you call it off and work to make your marriage work. If you can't leave the marriage, then just do whatever it takes to make it work!!

dami said...

"henceforth i will only do what is convenient for me and not what pleases him"

the please do travel out have a holiday,because after making this statement, and you "just mellow" you will continue to mellow, you have to show him you are independent too and if you can take your kids for a lil break here and there dont have to be abroad even just do your own thing

Seun Osewa said...

I have no doubt about her ability to win the battle, if she really wants to, and prove her independence, but it seems she's not ready to leave. If that's the case, then one might have to eat humble pie to enjoy some happiness in a situation that one has settled for. Leaving won't be easy, and re-establishing peace won't be easy either. It's about what she wants to do. Which option she thinks will make her happy.

But your husband has been brought up to feel he has a problem if he's unable to control his wife. I don't think he doesn't love you, but I think the way one is brought up can be stronger than love sometimes. But the time to discover this is not after marriage.

In short, I don't have the answer, but I'm compelled to babble on and on in case we stumble upon the answer. Cheers.

Anonymous said...

It's all bullshit! Despite the fact that I don't support the 'disrespecting' of any human being (whether wife, sister, son, daughter, nanny, househelp, etc), I don't support the attitude of a lot of married women. Why? It's when they start having extra-marital affairs that they start over-blowing the short-comings of their husbands! On sundays you go to church and profess holiness but you select the portion of the bible the you adhere to.

Nijawife said...

Iam really overwhelm to received all these reactions,it goes to show that our generation is not a wasted one afterall and we can make a change.Iam not out to paint a bad picture of my hussy but to share my pains and of course you will read good ones and let us learn from each other and bring a change to the way we relate with women.Iam not into women liberation as in competing with men but they should please treat us well as they want their sister,mother,aunty to be treated.

Nijawife said...

To the last writer-well,what can i say than you dont need to do that to justify whats bad.If your wife is unfaithful-you have a right to dump her for good or sit down and iron your differences as infidelity itself arises from a need or lack of something in a relationship.I will never support that but to be sincere with you,temptations come when you leave your door open for that and it takes the grace of God for a woman or man to resist it and dont be deceive its only men who get attracted to other people but women make effort to control it.

olababe said...

Though a young girl and single but i live in a community where things like this happens and in most of this cases women are bkame for being the problems in thier homes.
My advice is this: the only thing that can make your marriage work is God, considering his background too you should be able to listen to him, do his wish, talk to him as you would talk to your brother, never mind how long this as being going on, men are rare species, they are just an adult baby, so you need to treat them like one. PRAYER MAKES THINGS TICK THE WAY WE WANT, DRAW CLOSER TO GOD.

Anonymous said...

She ain't saying all there is to her problems. Most women are the architect of their situations! Take it or leave it. When you marry a guy just because he has a few Naira to throw around you, what stops him from disrespecting you in future. He knows that all that keeps you is his financial status! Now you are crying to the whole world. PLEASE KEEP YOUR TEARS TO YOURSELF! You claim to have a valid visa on your passport and your husband and you are begging him to allow you travel.... common, you ain't tellin the TRUTH!

Nijawife said...

Sorry to dissapoint you,I met my hussy when he was just a lecturer with a Phd but nothing material and i belief in him and i work in a bank,so the issue of running after money doesnt come in.

Oricha said...

Hi!, i just perused thru your blog and whiel not trying to sound insensitive the first that struck me was, didn't u notice all these differences in your background (ie he been from a polygamous and u from a monogamous family) during ur courtship. No matter what how much we deny it, our family background to a very great extent affect our outlook to life. And you blog attest to it!!
I am male and i do respect African especially nigerian women, most times they get the short end of the stick when it comes to marriage.
i have seen quite a number of my mum's friend literally go through hell and sometimes i wonder why don't they just pack their bags and move on, afterall they were economically dependent. Don't get me wrong, i salute and admire their doggedness, if (God forbid), i find myself in a loveless marriage with kids, i'd have sworn to myself that i woudl stick in there, i wasn't brought up in a broken home and i woudln't want my kids to experience it. Madam, I salute you and i pray that your hussy (as u call him) comes to realise that for a marriage to work it takes two! take and good luck!! Love your blog and i would be visiting regularly!!!

Refinedone said...

.. I would tell you contention is not the answer ... you are a Christian, and what I fined really sad is when we Christian don't give ourselves a chance on being real...
Nobody said cos you are a Christian you will not have issues...or that there will not come a time when you actually fall out of love... It is in trouble you get to know God ... when you stop trying to defend yourself... You have a responsibility to your God.. you honour God ... do you part... It hurt when the one that claims to love you hurts you... No matter what that is your husband...I would advice you start praying and asking God to deal with you ... cos when we report others to God, He has away of showing us our faults and starts dealing with us instead... Please dont fight fire with fire ... if he say you are not going with him aboard ... dont be tempted to go (even if you can afford to) ... Trust me you are going through the process for a reason...one you cannot see now...but you are.
The enemy is not your husband...Just remember that...
The evil one comes to steal, kill and destroy... He is only trying to steal your joy, peace and you sound mind ... and he will always use does nearest and dearest ... so remember that there is One greater in you ... to over come ... that is how you will know you are an over comer.. when times like this come and you stand on the Word!! ... rekindle your relationship with the true lover of your soul. ... spend time with Him ... restore you peace and Joy in the mist of all this trouble ... for I know you are more than able in Him!

I will be praying for you and your home.

I pray peace and Joy for you....

Anonymous said...

I have seen all the comments and i must say some made sense and some also didn't.i believe the only way to stay in this marriage and have the best of it is to visit the foundation of your marriage.what kind of foundation did you build on?i believe every woman and man knows about 90% of the potentials of their spouse b4 marriage but like most ladies make the mistake of thinking that their "biological clock" is ticking they close their eyes to the flaws they know they can't live with in their spouses under the pretext of "he will change" and eventually it comes back to hunt you in the marriage.well the mistake of overlooking might have been made i think the next step is for both of you to accept Christ and invite Him to be the foundation of your relationship and give it time with prayers and following after God's heart both of you will be changed but i must say you have to give it time and work along with God.if this can't be done you will continue to go through the same circle of life till the end of life.