January 24, 2007

The four days he was away was so peaceful,nobody to shout on the kids or raise voice over minor issues but despite that,i still feel that space in my heart.I dreamt of when i will be happy with him and pray that whatever has hold on him will be loosen by the grace of God.I may pretend as much as i like that it doesnt bother me and let him do whatever he likes but deep inside me,iam weeping.Iam not a saint and i never said iam one and know i have my own faults here and there but i make concrete effort to make the marriage works and somehow its part of the problem.Since i know he likes to shout and make me feel inferior somehow for him to feel cool about himself i guess, i always avoid contact with him as much as possible though he is hardly around but because i want peace at all cost,i avoid facing the issues thereby making him feel he can do anything and i will take it.

I once reported him to our parents that he belief i have money because i work in a bank and his response is since i dont ask him,he never give as he belief i can take care of myself and run the house without assistance-imagine that logic.My father now said i may not ask because i was brought up with the notion that the man will give if he has without asking and the mother said he will talk to him but his father too does that during his life time and her family too had to call him to order.We,parent of today should make it our responsibility to let our kids know the right way of doing things and we should set good example because all these kids know more than we think they do and somehow it affect their life as we are their foundation and whatever foundation we give them is what they will exhibit in their own life.It always turned out that we do things the way our parents are doing them in their days unconsciously.Lets make our today better than our parent yesterday in terms of attitudes and beliefs


Anonymous said...

He likes to shout at you and the kids and make you feel inferior. Please do not encourage others to hate men! There are lots of women out there who are having a wonderful time with their husbands. One question: WHEN DID HE START DISRESPECTING YOU? What was the cause and what did you do as a wife to maturely and peacefully resolve it? Answer the questions frankly and you would know where you are coming from

Adebanjo Ogunniyi said...

This is very interesting, and it reminds me very much of my childhood. May be I should tell you a bit of myself before I comment here. I am about your age, married too. (2nd Marriage). When I was young, my dad was just like that. He was constantly envious/scared of my mum's success. And later it develops to him physically manhandling her. This went on till we are old enough to confront him, and we asked my mum to move out. (Anyway, he had a second wife outside, and my mum being of the old school sticked with him for a long time)

I remembered my mum telling me that he wasn't like that when they were courting. So I spend my life trying not to be like him. Yes, I won't advice you to leave him or anything like that. I am telling you that divorce is as dirty too. I can tell you, I have been there.

I think he is scared because you're probably earning more than him and by making you feel inferior is a way to establish his authority. It's an African thing.

I will advise you to:

1. Not to allow him to put you in a situation where you will feel inferior. I mean try not to allow him to use that on you. It's a psychological trick. And if you succumbed to it, your self esteem will be low too.( I can elaborate on this later if you want me to).

2. Try not to make him feel inferior too, let him understand that you'll always be respectful without being subservient. And don't flaunt any material thing you have; you may do it unknowingly, so watch that!

3. Project love towards him. I mean think lovingly of him.

I hope these will work. Can I ask you if you suspect if he has another woman outside?

Nijawife said...

Mr anonymous,i repeat iam not out to do that,all iam doing is share my burden and get to hear other people view and somehow it reduces the stress and i can not get hypertension and also other people who are going through same can learn too.To your question,i guess its just him bcos he does that to other people as well and really if you study most intelligent people,they tend to look down on other people.

Mr Ogunniyi,I appreciate your comment and i learn something from it.Thanks

Refinedone said...

I so agree with you Adebanjo, Please Nijawife dont let anyone make you feel inferior, you are responsible for your self-esteem.
again I say please get intouch.

Anonymous said...

hi. why don't u leave this man. he's not worth it.
i feel sorry for u and i hate to hear ppl crying over spilt milk. as in... stop goin on about like u do cos u knw d only way u can avoid him is if u divorce his sorry ass. ure a gd mother to ur kids, i c no reason y d courts wont grant u full custody. may God b with u. amen

Anonymous said...

u shd leave him b4 u do something u'll later regret.
remember the case of Ahluwalia and Thorton and others.

Anonymous said...

OMG...because of this post, i have decided to let go of someone i am seeing. i can see our situation morphing into yours in the future.
thank you for sharing, and God bless.