He/she might be sometimes Selfish, and a little insecure. He/she might sometimes make mistakes here and there and tend to be a little hard to handle. He/she might be a mess when it comes to personal hygiene or even be at a loss with the use of cutleries. He/she may not be your Ideal character at wedding ceremonies or other social functions. In a nutshell, he/she may not me the replica of the you in you that you want them to be.
Love is patient, Love is Kind and Love doesn't demand its own way. Truth is, if you can't handle her at her worse...then, do you really deserve her at her best? And if you can't help him through some of his little flaws, then are you worthy of him when someone else believed and brought beauty out of him?
We all are a work in progress.Love and friendship go hand in hand.Take your time to build what you have except you think you have proven beyond all reasonable doubts and concluded that he or she isn't what you've always dream of.
But please don't win yourself a Degree in breaking hearts. Human beings are not to be used but to be loved.
February 18, 2010
Are we that complex?
Women Are Very Difficult to Understand
If you kiss her,
You are not a gentleman
If you don't,
You are not a man
If you praise her,
She thinks you are lying
If you don't,
You are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp
If you don't,
You are not understanding
If you visit her often,
She thinks you are boring
If you don't,
She accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed,
She says you are a playboy
If you don't,
You are a dull boy
If you are jealous,
She says it's bad
If you don't,
She thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance,
She says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
She thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late,
She complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
She says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man,
You're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman,
"oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while,
She professes you are cold
If you kiss her often,
She yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, You lack ethics
If you do, She thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman,
She accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
She says that they are just admiring
If you talk,
She wants you to listen
If you listen,
She wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful... .....WOMEN!
-------------------------------------------------------------
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE CASH MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through Cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Most of this part is the TRUTH!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Apply handbrake put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse
and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in debit note book and place receipt in back of note book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release handbrake.
If you kiss her,
You are not a gentleman
If you don't,
You are not a man
If you praise her,
She thinks you are lying
If you don't,
You are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp
If you don't,
You are not understanding
If you visit her often,
She thinks you are boring
If you don't,
She accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed,
She says you are a playboy
If you don't,
You are a dull boy
If you are jealous,
She says it's bad
If you don't,
She thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance,
She says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
She thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late,
She complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
She says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man,
You're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman,
"oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while,
She professes you are cold
If you kiss her often,
She yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, You lack ethics
If you do, She thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman,
She accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
She says that they are just admiring
If you talk,
She wants you to listen
If you listen,
She wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful... .....WOMEN!
-------------------------------------------------------------
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE CASH MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through Cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Most of this part is the TRUTH!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Apply handbrake put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse
and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in debit note book and place receipt in back of note book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release handbrake.
February 15, 2010
20% versus 80%, is this what we experience in our marriage?
In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED
and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship.
There is always another person (man or woman) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT
And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.
But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have,
thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT
But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT
and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.
Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not"
Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.
Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for.
So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%.
Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says:
"I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . .."
Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,
you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer,
high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt
Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame
who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.
Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!
That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple.
The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.
But I'm not just talking about marriage.
Iam talking about life!
About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing? "They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!"
I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class –
because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?
The main message???
If you start appreciating what you have right now,
wherever you are, you are first class!
20/80 or 80/20. You determine your lot in life.
Enjoy what you have because you’re blessed.
and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship.
There is always another person (man or woman) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT
And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.
But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have,
thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT
But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT
and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.
Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not"
Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.
Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for.
So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%.
Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says:
"I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . .."
Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,
you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer,
high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt
Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame
who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.
Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!
That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple.
The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.
But I'm not just talking about marriage.
Iam talking about life!
About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing? "They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!"
I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class –
because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?
The main message???
If you start appreciating what you have right now,
wherever you are, you are first class!
20/80 or 80/20. You determine your lot in life.
Enjoy what you have because you’re blessed.
February 9, 2010
True or false?
LOL!!!!!!!!
IBO HUSBAND
Plus
1. He is very loyal
2. He maintains monogamy
3. Could be very yielding/gullible
4. Gives you access to all his assets
5. Follows your advice and directions to the letter
6. Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness
7. Takes care of your kids
Minus
1.. Could be very unromantic-Romance is limited to spending money, spending money and spending money
2. May be semi-literate or illiterate.
3. May marry you early and deny you of access to life/youth.
4. More likely to be crude and unrefined
5. Always has a large family to cater to and take care of plus apprentices etc
6. May not be presentable
7. May be horrible in bed and/or sexually illiterate/unwilling to explore.
8. Could be gullible/easy to deceive
YORUBA HUSBAND
Plus
1. Could be very romantic.
2. Could be caring
3. Tries to maintain leadership in the home.
4.. Disciplines kids well
5. More white-collar career inclined
6. Literacy level is usually high
Minus
1. More likely to philander
2. More likely to eventually marry another wife
3. More likely to marry you for your money/connections.
4. Could be highly assertive..
5. Most times you would take care of yourself after a while.
6. You may eventually separate with nothing to show for it.
7. Family members may be given priority.
EDO HUSBAND
Plus
1. Believes in marriage
2. Takes care of you and your needs.
Minus
1.. May end up not taking full care of the kids
2. Could be very harsh
3. Does not take any nonsense
4. You may end up taking care of him
5. You cant cheat on him.
URHOBO MAN
Plus
1. Believes in marriage
2. Takes care of you and your needs.
Minus
1. You may end up taking care of him
2. You cant cheat on him.
EFIK MAN
Plus
1. Will effectively take care of the culinary activities in your absence.
2. Is usually very religious
3. Hardworking
4. Good in bed
5. Quite organised and clean.
Minus
1.. Be prepared to have 12 kids
2. Your cooking may not be good enough
3. He will either be very ugly or very handsome. no line between. He will also either be very short or very tall. Same with your kids
4. Prepare to have a husband like 25 years older than you in his fifties.
HAUSA MAN
Plus
1. Hardly believes in premarital sex.
2. Very religious
3. Takes care of you
Minus
1. You may be wife number 4
2. You may be wife number 4 at 14
3. You have absolutely no say in anything, anywhere and anytime.
4. If he passes away, you may be transferred to another family.
Different kinds of Nigerian wives
the urhobo wife
PLUS
1 always loyal/faithfully(cheating is outright abomination)
2 very hardworking and self reliant
3 very good cook(banga soup,owo,peppersoup,sea food specials
4 can persevere even in poverty conditions
5 accommodating if a second wife shows up
6 what u see is what u get kind of attitude
7 would lay down their life for their children
MINUS
1 agruementative
2 stubborn
3 alcholic tendencies
4 some level of gra- gra
5 very very very vocal
YORUBA WIFE
Plus
1. Very respectful to husband
2. Very respectful to in-laws
3. Most times educated
4. Yielding and submissive
5. Likes sex.
Minus
1.. Would most likely have had one kid for another man before you and after you.
2. Will most likely cheat at 65% with one Uncle or Oga at office.
3. Possibly give you another man's kid in between your kids
4. Tells her mother or sisters or friends everything.
5. May jazz you up.
6. Will fill you with pepper, palm oil, assorted and amala.
7. Probably will marry another man even if you split at 60 years of age.
8. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, the uncles will finally start to drop her off in front of the house with a peck.
IBO WIFE
Plus
1. Loyal to her husband
2. Gives kids good nourishing food with vegetables and many spices.
3. Is very clean.
4. Is ready to fight anybody alongside her husband and break their head or even fight while the husband watches.
5. Even if her husband leaves her at 30, she has only a 3% chance of remarrying after kids.
Minus
1. Very disrespectful to everyone including you.
2. After breaking the neighbours' head will one day break yours.
3. Only regards you as a man if you have money.
4. Views love as spending power.
5. May not really love you but will marry you because you are ready and her real lover isn't.
6. Will spend every dime of yours without touching hers
7. Does not tolerate your inlaws and disrespects them.
8. May stop shagging you after 35.
9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she will become VERY insubmissive and her family will finally remember what a useless in-law you are.
10. When there is a fight, her brothers will come and join to break your head.
EDO WIFE
Plus
1. Cannot cheat on you
2. Can also cook good food.
3. Looks after kids and you.
4.. Very respectful
5. Most times well endowed.
6. Very thrifty
7. Always has one brother or sister in europe to bail you out in hard times.
8. Does not leave you even if you are semi-dead, quarter dead or dead.
9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she remains loyal but after building 10 houses you have no idea about..
Minus
1. May have signed your death day the day you were married.
2. You have a 98.75% chance of dying before her.
3. Eventually you die and she becomes the landlady.
4. Or she may have built her own house while you guys were still staying in a room and parlour without you knowing.
5.. May have done runs before you got married.
HAUSA
Plus
1. Everything good.
Minus
1. If you are not a muslim, no chance.
2. You may eventually have to show her where the promised land is.
3. Even when you do, it must be in the dark.
EFIK WIFE
Plus
1. She will load you with so much good food that every other thing is poison
2. She will also f.... your brains out.
3. Also loyal and respectful but will also break your head if you misbehave.
4. Very clean.
Minus
1. She will f..... your brains out finally.
2. She will either be very slim, have an extremely large arse or be very short.
3. You will share shaving stick as she may have facial and chest hair.
4. Even if you wanna leave her, the f**king and feeding will keep you coming back for more.
URHOBO WIFE
Plus
1. If you like to drink, you'll never be short of a partner.
2. She does anything to take care of her kids.
3. She's used to her working while you get high at home.
4. Loyal and respectful.
5. Cannot cheat on you
6. Can also cook good food.
7. Tolerates in-laws
Minus
1. She'll short your booze ration.
2. She respects you with serious warning.
3. Very sharp and wise to take action.
Ha,ha,ha I got this through my mail and decided to share it.
is it real true or false
LOL!!!!!!!!
IBO HUSBAND
Plus
1. He is very loyal
2. He maintains monogamy
3. Could be very yielding/gullible
4. Gives you access to all his assets
5. Follows your advice and directions to the letter
6. Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness
7. Takes care of your kids
Minus
1.. Could be very unromantic-Romance is limited to spending money, spending money and spending money
2. May be semi-literate or illiterate.
3. May marry you early and deny you of access to life/youth.
4. More likely to be crude and unrefined
5. Always has a large family to cater to and take care of plus apprentices etc
6. May not be presentable
7. May be horrible in bed and/or sexually illiterate/unwilling to explore.
8. Could be gullible/easy to deceive
YORUBA HUSBAND
Plus
1. Could be very romantic.
2. Could be caring
3. Tries to maintain leadership in the home.
4.. Disciplines kids well
5. More white-collar career inclined
6. Literacy level is usually high
Minus
1. More likely to philander
2. More likely to eventually marry another wife
3. More likely to marry you for your money/connections.
4. Could be highly assertive..
5. Most times you would take care of yourself after a while.
6. You may eventually separate with nothing to show for it.
7. Family members may be given priority.
EDO HUSBAND
Plus
1. Believes in marriage
2. Takes care of you and your needs.
Minus
1.. May end up not taking full care of the kids
2. Could be very harsh
3. Does not take any nonsense
4. You may end up taking care of him
5. You cant cheat on him.
URHOBO MAN
Plus
1. Believes in marriage
2. Takes care of you and your needs.
Minus
1. You may end up taking care of him
2. You cant cheat on him.
EFIK MAN
Plus
1. Will effectively take care of the culinary activities in your absence.
2. Is usually very religious
3. Hardworking
4. Good in bed
5. Quite organised and clean.
Minus
1.. Be prepared to have 12 kids
2. Your cooking may not be good enough
3. He will either be very ugly or very handsome. no line between. He will also either be very short or very tall. Same with your kids
4. Prepare to have a husband like 25 years older than you in his fifties.
HAUSA MAN
Plus
1. Hardly believes in premarital sex.
2. Very religious
3. Takes care of you
Minus
1. You may be wife number 4
2. You may be wife number 4 at 14
3. You have absolutely no say in anything, anywhere and anytime.
4. If he passes away, you may be transferred to another family.
Different kinds of Nigerian wives
the urhobo wife
PLUS
1 always loyal/faithfully(cheating is outright abomination)
2 very hardworking and self reliant
3 very good cook(banga soup,owo,peppersoup,sea food specials
4 can persevere even in poverty conditions
5 accommodating if a second wife shows up
6 what u see is what u get kind of attitude
7 would lay down their life for their children
MINUS
1 agruementative
2 stubborn
3 alcholic tendencies
4 some level of gra- gra
5 very very very vocal
YORUBA WIFE
Plus
1. Very respectful to husband
2. Very respectful to in-laws
3. Most times educated
4. Yielding and submissive
5. Likes sex.
Minus
1.. Would most likely have had one kid for another man before you and after you.
2. Will most likely cheat at 65% with one Uncle or Oga at office.
3. Possibly give you another man's kid in between your kids
4. Tells her mother or sisters or friends everything.
5. May jazz you up.
6. Will fill you with pepper, palm oil, assorted and amala.
7. Probably will marry another man even if you split at 60 years of age.
8. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, the uncles will finally start to drop her off in front of the house with a peck.
IBO WIFE
Plus
1. Loyal to her husband
2. Gives kids good nourishing food with vegetables and many spices.
3. Is very clean.
4. Is ready to fight anybody alongside her husband and break their head or even fight while the husband watches.
5. Even if her husband leaves her at 30, she has only a 3% chance of remarrying after kids.
Minus
1. Very disrespectful to everyone including you.
2. After breaking the neighbours' head will one day break yours.
3. Only regards you as a man if you have money.
4. Views love as spending power.
5. May not really love you but will marry you because you are ready and her real lover isn't.
6. Will spend every dime of yours without touching hers
7. Does not tolerate your inlaws and disrespects them.
8. May stop shagging you after 35.
9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she will become VERY insubmissive and her family will finally remember what a useless in-law you are.
10. When there is a fight, her brothers will come and join to break your head.
EDO WIFE
Plus
1. Cannot cheat on you
2. Can also cook good food.
3. Looks after kids and you.
4.. Very respectful
5. Most times well endowed.
6. Very thrifty
7. Always has one brother or sister in europe to bail you out in hard times.
8. Does not leave you even if you are semi-dead, quarter dead or dead.
9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she remains loyal but after building 10 houses you have no idea about..
Minus
1. May have signed your death day the day you were married.
2. You have a 98.75% chance of dying before her.
3. Eventually you die and she becomes the landlady.
4. Or she may have built her own house while you guys were still staying in a room and parlour without you knowing.
5.. May have done runs before you got married.
HAUSA
Plus
1. Everything good.
Minus
1. If you are not a muslim, no chance.
2. You may eventually have to show her where the promised land is.
3. Even when you do, it must be in the dark.
EFIK WIFE
Plus
1. She will load you with so much good food that every other thing is poison
2. She will also f.... your brains out.
3. Also loyal and respectful but will also break your head if you misbehave.
4. Very clean.
Minus
1. She will f..... your brains out finally.
2. She will either be very slim, have an extremely large arse or be very short.
3. You will share shaving stick as she may have facial and chest hair.
4. Even if you wanna leave her, the f**king and feeding will keep you coming back for more.
URHOBO WIFE
Plus
1. If you like to drink, you'll never be short of a partner.
2. She does anything to take care of her kids.
3. She's used to her working while you get high at home.
4. Loyal and respectful.
5. Cannot cheat on you
6. Can also cook good food.
7. Tolerates in-laws
Minus
1. She'll short your booze ration.
2. She respects you with serious warning.
3. Very sharp and wise to take action.
Ha,ha,ha I got this through my mail and decided to share it.
is it real true or false
