February 18, 2010

Are we that complex?

Women Are Very Difficult to Understand
If you kiss her,
You are not a gentleman
If you don't,
You are not a man

If you praise her,
She thinks you are lying
If you don't,
You are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp
If you don't,
You are not understanding

If you visit her often,
She thinks you are boring
If you don't,
She accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed,
She says you are a playboy
If you don't,
You are a dull boy

If you are jealous,
She says it's bad
If you don't,
She thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance,
She says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
She thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late,
She complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
She says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man,
You're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman,
"oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while,
She professes you are cold
If you kiss her often,
She yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, You lack ethics
If you do, She thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman,
She accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
She says that they are just admiring

If you talk,
She wants you to listen
If you listen,
She wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful... .....WOMEN!


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through Cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


Most of this part is the TRUTH!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Apply handbrake put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse
and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in debit note book and place receipt in back of note book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release handbrake.