November 17, 2009

The Best Marriage Advice Ever Received

Couples like you share their marriage wisdom with Sheri & Bob Stritof, Guide.

"... it was that I should love my husband, but not wrap myself up in my husband. That I should always remember that I was a person before him, and I should do my damndest to stay a person while married to him ... second best advice was to never completely tie your finances to your husband--always have something of your own." ~ deblgus

"Don't fight over money because there is never enough to go around anyway." ~ s91601

"Don't go to bed angry at each other." ~ Ibn Tumart

"My dad told me 'try to outdo each other in kindness.' I thought that was good advice. That way you are concentrating on the positive." ~ tjmac66

"The best advice in my opinion is to live in a different town than your families when you get married. My hubby is in the Air Force and lucky for both of us, we moved across the country! We both grew up in negative environments and the space is a blessing! Now we appreciate talking to our families and they are far enough away where they can't interfere and smother us with negativity. On another note, I believe the standard "don't go to bed angry" is right as rain as well!" ~ GirlyGirl220

"For women: Do not expect your husband to change after marriage.
For men: Do not expect your wife to not change. : )" ~ Data10000

"My mom always tells me when I fight with my husband that he could be worse than what he is and I should quit sweating the small stuff." ~ quinnandellie

"From the time we were little kids, my dad told us "Never date anyone you wouldn't marry" .... when we were kids this made zero sense, but as I got older, it became clear that a lot of people marry people they don't much like/fit with well, for a variety of reasons. SHe ends up pregnant, it is just "time" to marry. The selection process of who to marry is complex, but makes a huge difference.
We also always advise newly marrieds to NOT sit and complain about anything in their marriage, large or small, in little same sex (or not) groups at work or at play. ALl it does is magnify any irritants, and if you really have a problem with your spouse, talking to them about it is much more likely to solve the problem than sitting and bitching with others." ~ shopper113

"My dad told me to always communicate with each other. I think I have been more honest with my husband than anyone else in my life." ~ fkh38

"A quote from the Bible: What God has yoked together, let no man tear apart." ~ Donnamaria65

There are "... various ways in which relational maturity develops in people -- preparing them first to care for themselves, and then to care for two people, and afterwards for children too. All in a way that is life giving. Relational maturity is I believe the most effective predictor for whether a marriage is likely to last or not." ~ Tastewise

"From my MIL: "Marriage is forever. You have to stick it out no matter how miserable you are." ~ Michele

"Get on your knees together every night and say the Lord's prayer. Even if you don't go to sleep and may have something else to do. This assures that most nights you will spend some time together before you go to sleep. If you are apart, do it over the phone." ~ Michele

"Never go to bed angry, even if you are not happy with the conditions." ~ Michele

"Communicate, respect for self and each other, trust, faith, laugh together not at each other, don’t go to bed angry or hurt, remember your vows, don’t ask what you are not ready and willing to accept and let go and remember that often time we don’t know we’re making a mistake unless we are told so speak up without being rude and hurtful." ~ Antoinette 34

"Churchill said to never have breakfast together." ~ Jimnria2

"When in trouble with your husband or spouse, never ever talk about these problems with your friends, mother or parents ... if you want a real help on this, go to your spouse or husband mother or father or his or her best friend or relatives and tell them about your situation. This advice has given them very fast and some times unexpected and very good solutions, and at the same time they get to understand many of their spouses vision of the trouble, and that has in many instances changed their perspective and perception of the problem." ~ Manuel D.

"My father always said that the secret of a happy marriage is a short tongue. Instead of saying the first thing that pops into your head to your spouse in a heated discussion, bite your tongue, and consider the consequences before proceeding. I have been married to the same man for 19 years, and I am lucky to have him. I know that biting my tongue helps me to weigh my words more carefully." ~ Susan H.

"After a disillusioned first couple of years of marriage, my husband and I went to a therapist who told us: Marriage should not be so much about looking at each other but looking in the same direction together. I believe the message from this is to remember the positive things that brought you together and then to concentrate on positive goals to achieve as a couple. My observation is that all the cute, unique things that made your spouse wonderful in the beginning are going to be the things that grate on your nerves later. Try to focus on the positive -- if you look for negative qualities in someone you are sure to find them! ~ Deb V.

"The best marriage advice I received was from my grandmother: Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%. Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your husband will have to put in the 75%. I never thought of this before but it is so true." ~ Meme

Lets add to the list.