Marriage Software

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.In addition Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems
initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer
run,and crashes the system whenever selected.Attempting to operate
selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping
7.1" runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to
run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding
of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.Many customers upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY
AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its
Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back
to Girlfriend 7.0,as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is
impossible to uninstall,delete or purge the program files from the
System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have
ended up with even more problems.(See manual under Alimony/Child
Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed,I recommend you keep it Installed and deal
with the difficulties as best as you can.When any faults or problems
occur,whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........

C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the
*Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of
times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to
normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme,can be very
rewarding.To get the most out of it,consider buying additional Software such
as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0"
or "TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if
Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt
Version)or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a
supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost
certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!

Yours, Systems Analyst.