http://londonnaijachic.blogspot.com/2007/02/why-humilate-your-wife.html

I read the above and decided to make my comment on my blog.Men are just like that and we must ensure we keep our sanity no matter the circumstances.He did not humiliate your aunty but himself,let her continue to be good,take care of her kids and do what makes her happy and never stress herself over his philandering.Men has been condition to belief its their world and can do as they like and if we cant tolerate it,we can move but who want to move after how many years and to where.Our culture is not favourable to women at all,despite everybody knowing that man is something else,try and move out and see the same people calling you names.It remind me of an incidence that happened to my friend two years ago,her husband told her he was going on a course in Abuja for three days-friday to sunday and like a dutiful wife,she packed all kind of assorted for him and even dropped him at the airport but alas the man destination na badagry on a rendevous with a lady and just coincidentally,my friend had some shopping to do across border and asked her husband friend,a custom to meet her at the border to avoid custom harrassment and behold they saw the man carrying luggage for his escort and immediate he saw my friend-he started shouting mama damola kilo wa de bi?yes they told me and i never belief,how come you didnt remind me you were coming to badagry today.The man frightened a hell out of her and even threatened to deal with her when he get back home and you can imagine my friend horror-the aggrieved turned to the accused.His friend was just saying mama damola take it easy,we will sort it out later and she could not even asked him any question and when the stupid man got home,he called his wife family for a meeting over it and they had to begged him and scolded my friend for allowing the husband friend as if that was not their pattern of bringing things in,to meet her at the border when she knew her husband was out of town and nobody could asked him how is trip to Abuja ended in Badagry and turning himself to kaya for a lady.When i later saw the custom man and asked him how he felt about his friend reaction,he just said that was the only way to escape being query about his movement and needed to turned the table on her and that all the show na bobo to cow the woman-imagine that

Who go advice mrs adviser now?I was just feeling somehow yesterday evening and i knew that somehow i need to collect my tax from my hussy but you know say the man na wakabout and will never be home when needed and its been a while and only God knows what awaken that feeling in me but i guess iam still human and a young lady at that,it doesnt matter that i have ofloaded four beautiful kids and my engine have been re-ring and reboiled severally.Iam still a babe anyday and can stop traffic anytime.That human feeling just come and you know how its,you need to do the needful.I decided not to sleep -even sleep no go come if i want sleep and i was looking tantalising so that my man go get my language.He finally got home something after 12am with story of one function or the other but i no worry since i know he always have a hectic schedule.Before he could finished undressing,i had microwave fried fish and brought out a chilled larger beer to go down as i no want him to asked for food-he can eat heavy food at anytime and you no that-na sleep be that.I just sat beside him,looking at him somehow-women we be something else when we want something but na serious business now,if mohammed no go mountain,mountain too go go meet am.Before i know it,the man don start dey snore and i just say yeepa inside me,not after all my trouble,i tapped him and asked him to come to bed but my heart was already doing nooooooway but as soon as the man crashed on the bed and slept off and i was just doing something on him but na lie sleep don catch am,he woke up at a time and said i have a running nose and is making me sleep.I beg how person go dey cope and why is it that these days most marriages have problem with the sexual aspect of their relationship,is it that our men overwork themselves at the expense of their marital responsibilities or we young women of nowadays think too much of it.

We women need to talk to ourselves,we are the architect of our misfortune in the hands of men.How can we be complaining of men being insensitive to us and we are encouraging it by our actions.My cousin invited me to her husband 45th birthday celebration yesterday though i had my reservation in going as the husband used to be someone i respected but he lost it when he impregnated one omo onimaggi in Agege market and he is not even remorseful about it.This guy used to be a banker before he was laid off in the days of voodo banking and it was really tough for them to make ends meet and my cousin stood by him and their situation got so bad then that my cousin daddy was maintaining them and paying their kids school fees(2 kids).About five years ago,things started getting better for them as one of his uncle employed him in his hotel along lekki and my cousin open a medicine store.i think he is making money and started living big though he is good to the family but four year ago,the mother informed my cousin that since she has decided to close her legs after two kids,somebody who is ready is expecting a baby for her husband and infant she would prefer she see her as wife and that issue destabilise the family for a while but the lady was living elsewhere with her daughter.She was at the party,behaving like a real gutter girl and was so rude and saucy to everybody,just because she wanted to proof she has a stake in the man's life.At a point a friend of theirs asked my cousin if the girl wearing the same attire with her kids is the husband baby not knowing the mentalo wife was there and she just started shouting and cursing everybody and before we know it,she started fighting her husband sister and the husband was really humiliated with the bush girl attitude as all the guests left in annoyance and my cousin was just crying with her kids.How can a girl who snatched another person husband be behaving like that and for God sake-dont we women have pride again and to what extent do we need to go to get a man by all means and is it really worth the troubles?Lets talk to ourselves and make men realise we are not toy and without our coperation,they cant do it alone-we need to be there for each other and be our brothers keepers not spoilers.

One of the ladies that look up to me as a sister was in my house yesternight and immediately i saw her,i knew she has something bothering her which she want to tell me.I welcome her and we gisted generally and all of a sudden-she just said aunty can we go into your room and talk and i just yes of course.She started with how her husband has been ignoring her for almost a year now and is driving her cracy.She tried talking to him and he is always saying he is okay and happy with her but she can feel it and since she doesnt have any issue yet,she has nobody to talk to and he is not just there.He always find one excuse or the other to stay out late and still goes out all weekend with the excuse of running after one business or the other.They are not under any pressure for money and his business is doing fine but she cant continue to live like that as she is still in her prime and living like a nun can not give her baby.Women!i now understand the problem and i asked her that i hope she is not thinking of doing something bad and she asked me what,i just told her i hope she is not thinking of divorce or doing extra-marital.She laughed and said she never thought of divorce but she get tempted occassionally to look elsewhere as she is too young to be abandon and at less than thirty but she cant guarrantee anything if he still want to see her as part of his furniture but the love she has for him can not make her do it and need my advice on what to do.I counselled her on the need to be patient and enduring,that i know its a passing face and it will blow away but will join her in prayer and that God will touch his heart and if its because she is yet to have a baby after four years-God will answer their prayer but inside me i wonder how God will do that if the man refuse to sleep with the wife.Our men-why are you guys putting us through all these in the name of marriage,when you were courting us,you woo us as if your life depend on our love and when you get us,you abadon us in the house.Please stop leaving room for temptations,we are human like you and need your love as our husband.

I hope you all had a nice valentine day and all your valentines live up to expectations.I finally use the method suggested by the columnist and my readers,i did not buy any present or card and pretended as if nothing spoil.I woke up very earlier than usual as if i had important assignment with a big grin on my face and was just happy with myself.I wore the suit i bought as gift for myself and was looking very chick,my kids even complement me and my hussy was just looking at me somehow without saying anything and since i had a game plan,i was just moving up and down unnecessarily-just showing myself off.My kids suprise me with a beautiful hand made card and i put it in a conspicious place for him to see that some people appreciate me and think of me on valentine day.Men with their ego,i sure say the man dey feel somehow but he just want to be his old colonial master.As i got to my car,i just decided i should make him feel more uncomfortable,i rushed in and just say hoooo how can i just forget my perfume when iam suppose to be smelling nice today.My colleagues in the office were in high spirit and i bought snacks for my team and ensure we rounded up early so that they can go and spend sometime with their val.My hussy called me more than ten times for unnecesary things but i know he was just assuring himself that i was in office,not out celebrating any valentine day and by the time i got home by 7.15,i met five missed calls-imagine the close marking.Suprisingly,he got home before 10 and brought a valentine pack and asked my first born to give me and behold somebody gave him and he never bothered to check the contents and a name was on the teddy inside but i just laughed and did not make a point of it as i intend to be happy for the day and nothing could make me unhappy.What if he did not bring it home or didnt even come home at all?

-The history of Valentine's Day and its patron saint is shrouded in mystery. Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus.

- One legend says that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers, he outlawed marriage for young, single men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret.

- According to another legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, Valentine fell in love with a young girl who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine, an expression that is still in use today.

- The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, can be viewed today at the British Museum in London, England

- Cupid, the child-like, winged deity often associated with our modern Valentine's day, is the son of Venus, the Greek goddess of love. In Roman mythology, Cupid is known as Aphrodite's son Eros.


Wishing you all a happy valentine day

Why would a man who profess love to his wife be beating her and is there some abominable traits in us that makes men believe that the only way to quell it,is to beat us?Men who beat can not be regarded as real men as men who beat feel their ego and masculinity is being threatened and as such they must subdue us by proofing their physical superiority.I got to my folks place to picked my kids on friday and met one of their tenant beating his wife and this is a man that i so much respect and he appears gentle to me and the wife-very respectful and comport herself well,she was just shouting kill me kill me.I couldnt stomach the public disgrace and had to beg the young lady to leave the man and she was just saying aunty can you imagine after 4 kids in four years,he still want me to have another baby this year and i was just saying my doctor says i should not kill myself and should rest and he just slapped me and that where was the doctor when he was paying the brideprice and God,i lost all the respect i had for him.Some men dont have regard and respect for us and the patriarchial societies pretend to care but actually see us as mere possessions,often as little more than children to be whipped or punished when they get out of line.Yes,we should try as much as possible not to incur the wrath of our husbands but it takes two to tango.I heard of a man who beat his wife routinely and such beating always land her in hospital and the kids always witnessed this abuse,when the kids become adults,they picked their mother from hospital one day and informed her that she was not going back to their father's house.They were tired even if she was not.The woman claimed she stayed because of the kids and i asked myself why do we women always claimed is for our kids and we are subjected to physical,mental and emotional torture or we so much lack the courage to make the needed change or bound by fear of the unknown,poverty,loss of finance,rejection by society,pity from others,loss of status and loneliness?we just want to remain mrs somebody at all cost at the expense of our life.

Lonely wives on Valentine day

I got this from one of my favourite columnist and i decided to put it on my blog as it goes with my last post--

Another lovers’ day is here. So, did you fit in last year? I mean, as a wife, mistress or girlfriend, were you side-tracked? Did you lose the Valentine Day celebrations to a rival, his girlfriend or maybe his job? And if you lost, what did you do and what do you intend to do this year?I guess most women sit around and mope when they find out that they’ve lost out in the love game. But do you really have to wallow in self-pity and carry tear-streaked face about just because your husband now thinks you are too old to be seen around pubs or beaches in shorts?Actually, any Nigerian woman should know the pretences and idiosyncrasies of the average Nigerian man. Every woman should know that more of our men don’t know the first thing about romance. Or how many men do you see reading romance novels or watching ‘Friends” and such lovey-dovey films? As far as most of them are concerned, such things as romance are drippy things reserved for kids. At best, they pretend to be romantic during courtship days.Courtship days are about the only time women around here receive love notes and get treated specially on Valentine days. Once they say ‘I do’, romance flies out of the window. Of course, I acknowledge that a few husbands still celebrate Valentine days, every year with the wives.But the number is so pathetically small that one can’t hope that things will improve. Some men don’t even bother to wait until you say ‘I do’ to them before canceling the romance.Once they think they have you wrapped and sealed for the altar, they assume you can’t escape.
So, if next Wednesday, your husband does not give you a treat and you resort to crying and feeling sorry for yourself-Intimate Affairs thinks you are short-changing yourself.Why should you let him see your red-rimmed eyes?Even if you feel sorry for yourself, don’t let him see it.You’ll only be oiling his selfish ego by doing so. If he’s an ungrateful bully, should you be a whimpering, cowering wife?Nope.If he thinks you are not qualified to be given a treat on lovers’ day, then call his bluff.But,please do it nicely.Pay him back in his carefree coin with a cheerful smile on your face (even if it cracks your lips).This is no woman lib stuff.Just a defense mechanism against the harsh realities of life around here.Or have you forgotten the Igbo adage that says that “since men have learnt to shoot without missing, the bird eneke-nti-oba has also learnt to fly without perching?That’s why I said no woman, on no account, should be caught looking like she’s having a revenge.Check out how a friend, a nurse, got through a Valentine day without her husband.I don’t know where I got the courage or idea from, I just decided that if my husband intended to forget February 14, I would not be around the house, crying over it. You see, after the first two years of our marriage, he stopped paying any attention to that particular day. We’ve been married eight years now and for the past six years he had come up with one excuse or the other why he couldn’t spend Valentine day at home. For years, if felt sorry for myself but this year I made up my mind I was going to change all that. So when, a few days before Valentine last year, he told me he’d be working late on February 14, I just shrugged. I quickly arranged with a colleague to let me change shifts with her. That night, I did night duty. I simply left a note for him that one of the nurses on night duty wanted a stand-in. He didn’t like me doing night duty. He always complained that he hated coming home to an empty bed. Well, if I’d been warming his bed for eight years and I still don’t qualify as his lover, then I won’t warm it on February 14. Not again, unless he changes”.
Toun has been married for the past 10 years with three children and her husband has written her off as ‘home’. Valentine days are not for old mamas like her. “I know he has girlfriends and he frolics around with every February 14. Two years ago, I made up my mind it’s high time I had a new lover to replace him too. Since I don’t intend to be unfaithful to him, I chose my children. I just took them off to Federal Palace Hotel for the day. We didn’t get home until midnight and we had a swell time. By then, my husband was home and angry that we locked him out. I tried to smoothen his feathers but I know I’d put one oh him”.Well, so what can I say? If there’s any woman out there who’s been married for above five years and is still getting treats on Valentine days, please send your name, your husband’s full names and where you were this last lovers’ day. Let’s share your joy and I hope the luck will rub off on those who are missing out. It’s high time we knew the great guys and the lesser ones among us.
culled from Intimate Affairs by Funke Egbemode

Next week is going to be about love as its valentine week and i should start thinking ahead of what to get my hussy and how to get him to come home on time.The guy is a workaholic though he play hard as well with the boys but is ever on the move and i hope all those girls will not monopolise him for me that day.We never celebrate valentine together since we married as he is not into that and he is always saying will that put food on the table or are you still a young girl but never trust all these men when they get out there-they could be anything and i want to change that this valenine-thanks to you all,i have forgiven him for not honouring me on val days,i remembered the first valentine as a couple,i had gone out of my way to buy an expansive brandy and prepare a nice meal to go down with it but behold my hussy did not get home until past 2 in the morning of the following day with cock and bull story and since then i ve had non challant attitude to the occassion but deep me i still feel the pain.Since then i decided to count the day like any other day though he is not an expressive person but i know he cares but could not just show it in the way we women want.So,what do you advice i do to get him into my bossom on the day

Why is it that our men like to take control of our life in all ways,forgetting that they married us with all our pluses and minuses?I have been trying to live other people life as advised and ensure that i brush his ego all the way in order to be his darlin girl not woman because i still dey after offloading four beautiful kids.I mean despite all the panelbeating,re-ring and re-boiling,i see dey stop traffic but the funny thing is my husband hate that.He was in a good mood last sunday and probably with my new improved loving jantis,he decided to take me out to one of his dinner function but somehow i knew we will quarrrel at the end of the day as i know his rules and regulations on going out with him-he want to control me on what i wear and who i greet and dont talk to anybody as if iam a baby and ihow can i enjoy such outing if iam just going to be looking out of place,all because he just doesnt like other people noticing me.He started by saying he want to see what i will wear and no make up and i begin to wonder why a big man in all respect surrounded by all matter of women will rather prefer his wife to look like mama instead of a young lady that iam.I brought out a simple long dress,thinking since it covers me like eleha and nothing clinging,he will approve of it-he just shouted that if you are wearing that,you better forget following me as i dont want a trophy wife and will rather i look for one of my iro and buba that afterall i will see other respectable women wearing that for dinner.Sh00000000,i wanted to object but since i still want to remain a good girl-i complied and behold nobody put on wrapper at the function and on our way home,i jokingly asked him if he didnt feel somehow that his wife is the only one looking out of place,he said thats better.Men are something else,they admire ladies who dresses smartly outside and want their wife to look wifey so that nobody will commit lookery on that.Yes,you have bought us like they say in the village and deliver to you but please take it easy,we know dey run anywhere-na till death do us part

I guess part of the package of being married is to have access to your man's body as much as you like but from the feeler i got from quite a lot of women is that their husband deny them sex whenever they have issues though i had experience that a lot of time but when my young friends that i mentor brought the issue up,i could not give a good explanation to them than just to advice them to continue to be nice to their husband.Yes,we agreed that we dont really have a voice against our men but our right by marriage should not be denied because you think you are punishing us.I remembered that the last time my hussy left me unattended to for like four months,i had to stylish tell his mother since iknow men have ego and need to be pampered.I told her that i think we need a performance enhance herbs from the village as her son work so hard that by the time he get home,he is as good as died and i think she need to talk to him to slow down so that his energy will not just be for his job and trust good old mother-she got my message and somehow they discussed without me knowing but all i know is two days after the man came home before midnight and was friendly with me and i was feeling cool with myself that i achieved my aim but sha he told me he just wanted to punish me but which type of punishment is that.

Iam using this platform to beg all men to desist from that kind of punishment as its dangerous and can drive us out.Try not to lead us to temptation and help us to overcome the devils work.A guy i was discussing with the other told me that we girls of nowadays think too much about sex,that in the olden days-our father only sleep with our mother when they are making baby and they never complain and they still stay faithful and that we should go and learn their tricks!is that right?

A friend of mine called from UK around 7am yesterday and i was like hope no problem.After we greeted,he told he called so earlier because he is losing his mind and before he does something terrible,he needed to talk to somebody and the only person who can understand his plight and make his wife reason is me and that i should please not give him excuses on her behalf but talk sense into her.Their problem is that he think he can not tolerate his wife non challant attitude to everything including the kids.He said his wife is more oyinboish than oyinbo,she belief they have equal right and as such they must share the house work equally which he has no qualms about but certain duties belong to the woman and he expect her to know that without being told.The wife expect him to cook if he have to eat Africa food as she prefer to take light food and she is even treating the kids like that and i asked him to give an example-he said the usual pattern is for the kids to take oat in the morning,eat refreshment in school for afternoon and ask them to warm can food for evening so that she wouldnt have to cook and if he threating to go out and eat with his kids,she will just say no problem and wouldnt feel anything.He said he had it up last night when he got back home late and the kids told him they are hungry and will prefer to take eba and their mummy refused to make it and that they should take their usual and they were waiting for him and had to go Niger restaurant again for that.He had reported her severally to her family but she refuse to change.To worsen her situation,she doesnt have pr to make up for all that-she will just be in her own world-sleeping and talking to her friends alone.He is fed up and the kids are not happy but he doesnt want their problems to affect his kids.

I pleaded with him to take things easy and that i will talk to her but on her alienating herself from him,he too should check himself-is he shouting on her,does she a say in his life and does he create that time for her away from kids? i said all these because i am also in that shoe,since i dont want my hussy to shout or put me down-i just swich off when he is at home to basic necessary discussions though he seem not to notice but i know its not okay.What do you all feel about the issue?