September 10, 2007

Married to a difficult man

Quite a lot of married women complained about their husband for their actions or inactions and how they make them feel miserable and deliberately set out to inflict pains on them.Yes,some men could be a Jerk but remember when you started,you fall in love and the romantic phase blinds you to your partner's imperfections.You think your mate will change and hope that in time the difficult aspects of your spouse's jerky personality will go away. But it doesn't happen.You find yourself in love with a person you can't stand and don't like.Comments from others like "You should have known better..." or "Didn't you see it while dating..." won't help when living with such person.Should you throw in the towel when the handsome prince turns into a toad?Or is there hope for such a marriage?.

There is hope for this type of situation.However,it does take honest,caring and understanding.Personality compatibility is an important characteristic of happy couples.Irritating habits and activities of a difficult man can drive you up the wall just like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet.If ignored,it only gets worse but you can cope with the following strategies:

•Recognize you can't change your spouse.You can only change your reactions and responses.
•Reinforce positive behavior. When you spouse does something right, say so!
•Maintain eye contact when stating your own opinions and feelings.Be prepared so you know what you want to say before you say it.
•Be straight forward and clear in your communications with your spouse.
•Don't place blame.It only creates defensiveness. Use "I" statements.
•Try and focus on the positive.Looking only at the negative behaviors in your spouse can be self-fulfilling.
•Be honest about yourself.If you make a mistake,admit it.
•Listen with both your heart and your mind.
•Make time to be alone together such as taking walks.


Oracle said...

Thatz very true.
Itz for better or worse till death.

Itz a lifetime commitment.

Nice post

January said...

I read your posts and I was getting conflicting signals. Let's be true to ourselves and realize that a lot of Nigerian women are married to men who're more than difficult. Difficult does not describe it. My mum was married to a man who was extremely nice during courtship only to metamorphose into this ogre who's battling with inferiority complex, very secretive and for a long time dealt in emotional abuse. I was amazed that she didn't run mad cos she stayed married because of her kids. I wouldn't do that cos I love my peace and sanity. It's not worth being married if you have to go thru that on a daily basis. LEt's be honest for once.

The Baddest Bish said...

I co-sign on everything January has said, personally I think there is something mentally wrong with Naija men, marriage no be by force! Their insecurities hidden behind blustering arrogance comes out eventually.

Anonymous said...

You women who generalise Naija men are the same ones who will claim to be enlightened and castrate any Naija man that generalises Naija Women, you're best advised to marry Oyinbo men!


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