February 21, 2007

One of the ladies that look up to me as a sister was in my house yesternight and immediately i saw her,i knew she has something bothering her which she want to tell me.I welcome her and we gisted generally and all of a sudden-she just said aunty can we go into your room and talk and i just yes of course.She started with how her husband has been ignoring her for almost a year now and is driving her cracy.She tried talking to him and he is always saying he is okay and happy with her but she can feel it and since she doesnt have any issue yet,she has nobody to talk to and he is not just there.He always find one excuse or the other to stay out late and still goes out all weekend with the excuse of running after one business or the other.They are not under any pressure for money and his business is doing fine but she cant continue to live like that as she is still in her prime and living like a nun can not give her baby.Women!i now understand the problem and i asked her that i hope she is not thinking of doing something bad and she asked me what,i just told her i hope she is not thinking of divorce or doing extra-marital.She laughed and said she never thought of divorce but she get tempted occassionally to look elsewhere as she is too young to be abandon and at less than thirty but she cant guarrantee anything if he still want to see her as part of his furniture but the love she has for him can not make her do it and need my advice on what to do.I counselled her on the need to be patient and enduring,that i know its a passing face and it will blow away but will join her in prayer and that God will touch his heart and if its because she is yet to have a baby after four years-God will answer their prayer but inside me i wonder how God will do that if the man refuse to sleep with the wife.Our men-why are you guys putting us through all these in the name of marriage,when you were courting us,you woo us as if your life depend on our love and when you get us,you abadon us in the house.Please stop leaving room for temptations,we are human like you and need your love as our husband.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well,if she does not want to "stray", they are really easy and practical ways of solving this problem. She should try out sex toys, there are so many of them these days!

Anonymous said...

forget the sex toys, you need to stop giving her bad advice! what has being patient brought you?? what she needs to do is be more proactive in her life. if she hasn't approached her husband bluntly about what is really troubling her, then that's what she needs to do. ignoring the white elephant in their home will do nothing to help her or their marriage.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the second "anonymous"
one thing i have noticed about men is that they ignore you when you urself have nothing better to do than devote all your attention to them.. so you at better start looking after yourself and "get a life" apart from your husband. make new firends and if they are men why not.
If he is treating her like this and there are no children in the marriage now, are you sure you want children in a loveless marriage. you better ask him if he still wants the marriage or not. you are still youngenough to have another more fulfilling marriage if this does not work.

Waffarian said...

What do you mean "doing something bad"? hehehehehe, una no go kill me, i suggest make una listen to Fela's "suffering and smiling" na that music fit una well well. Other women dey move forward and una dey move backwards! What the hell is wrong? You know what, you are making a mockery of every woman that is fighting for independence. Yes, I understand, we've all been brought up to believe that without a "husband" we are nothing, not our faults, na society. But PLEASE! At this day and age, to continue to wallow in ignorance is a bloody SHAME! She is still under 30, married for just 4yrs? what the hell is the problem ehn? If her husband is not fucking her then he is fucking someone else. Simple. Why should she be the one sitting at home praying? ehn? while he is there spreading himself about, I really can not understand. No matter how hard I try, I can not. Why do we women constantly "invent" rules for ourselves? ehn? who made these rules? WE, WOMEN, made them."Hope she is not planning on doing something bad like divorce" look, una no for go school, why una go school if you no wan improve? ehn? Na farm work for fit una, this one wey una like to siddon dey pray from morning till night! THE MAN IS FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE, NOT YOU! HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU, HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU.If you like, make you pray from morning till night, his penis will still be going in and out!Nonsense!And all of una wey dey hide behind "anonymous" make una no fear to stand for your opinions! wetin! why una dey fear to talk true? because nigerwoman and her cronies(na the new word wey i learn from dat Orji interview) dey sugarcoat themselves with "christian, christian", fear dey catch una! abeg! if una be strong women una go talk am as e be!

Nomad said...

The heart of the King is in God's hands..He turns it where he wants it to go. Contrast it with, Choose you this day whom you'd serve; all are paraphrases from the Bible.

Inasmuch as God has tuned His ear to your friend's prayers, remember her husband has free will which is his God given right and he is exercising it. God is not a magician people. Forget home videos where it's like 'abracadabra' and the man starts, like a zombie, caring for his wife and family. This is real life! He is having the time of his life while your friend's youth as time goes on is disappearing. Her breasts can only go further south and he'll always find other pretty young things to cheer him up while your friend wallows in self pity. There is nothing romantic about a whining, 'trying to make me feel guilty wife'. Tell her to strip before a mirror. What will she see at her age. A beautiful firm body, enough to mesmerise her man, something to blow his brains out when they make love and sure to keep him running home for more. If he cant appreciate what he's got now, who is to say he'll stay the whole hog with her (until death do us part). She hasn't even begun to have kids. I'm so angry.

Add this to the mix, there's HIV out there. Why do we as naija women refuse to demand faithfulness from our men. I get really sick because it's a disease we are all infected with from childhood. I'll tell you a story of my cousin. He had so many affairs he stopped hiding them from his wife. She complained and finally spoke to my auntie (his mum) about it. Come and see drama, my aunt warned her that did she (his wife
) think his pe--s was made for only her, that her son was an only child and his wife should not expect to be able to give her the number of grandchildren she deserves. Hmmmm. Fast forward a few years. Husband and wife are both dead. Yup, full blown Aids and my auntie is left to pick up the pieces of looking after the small grand children, four of them.

I know we are competitive in naija. It's like coming last when all your friends are married and you are not. Your friend probably cant fanthom rocking the boat so her marriage dosent end. I suggest she does, it might make him respect her and change his behaviour leading to a healthier marriage. She should not be afraid of being alone if it comes to that, I'm sure my cousin's wife would have loved to be alive now to raise her kids as she always dreamt. Sorry for the long comment.

Anonymous said...

Madam abeg, update your blogosphere, dont you know you now have fans longing to read from you.lol

anijawife said...

I really appreciate all your comments and God will see us through in the battle against abuse on women

bhola! said...

I think you should not be giving advice, just like waffarian said, you are giving very wrong advices.

I am a firm believer, that he did not just start cheating now. A lot of these signs have been evident, even before marriage, but women, decide to ignore it, praying and hoping he will change. Breaking news, men don't change! Pray all you want, if you got married to the wrong guy for the wrong reasons, you are stuck in a bad marriage. Quite simple, if I might add.

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