Enjoy this
A nija man walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.He told the loan officer that he is going to Lagos on a vacation, for two
weeks,and need to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer told him that the bank will need some
form of security for the loan, so the nija man
handed over the keys to a new brand BMW 6 series.The
car was parked on the street in front of the bank.The
nija man produced the title and everything checked
out.The loan officer agreed to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a
good laugh at the naija man,for using an $80,000 BMW
as collateral against a $5,000 loan.An employee of
the bank then drove the BMW into the bank's
underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later,the naija man returned,repaid the
$5,000 and the interest,which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said,"Sir, we are very happy to have
had your business, and this transaction has worked out
very nicely,but we are a little puzzled. While you
were away, we checked you out and found that
you are a successful business man.What puzzles us is,
why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The naija man replied:"Where else in New York City
can I park my car for two weeks,and pay only $15.41
and expect it to be there when I return?"
The bank employees watched as he pulled out of the
garage,windows down and sunroof open. Juju music
blasting from his car,as he pulled away.
November 26, 2008
November 18, 2008
Wedding Speech
My best friend's sister will be getting married in the next two weeks and they want me to be the chairlady of the day and i dont even know what to say though i have been in the business for a while.Do we have a professional chairman in the house to assist please.
I got some ideas at a wedding over the weekend and for once,i really listened to the chairman's speech and the end of the speech,i realised that almost all chairmen says the same thing but in different ways but why is it that they always mention 4 major issues in marriage(4 o's in Yoruba)dont ask me to mention them in Yoruba BUT ON A SECOND THOUGHT,Owo,Oko,Omo,Ounje!-Money,Sex,Kids and Food.
The way they go about stressing those issues,you will think thats all to a good marriage.With an hindsight,i think they are right somehow and those issues must never be ignored.What other advice do you think should be giving to newly wedded couple.
I got some ideas at a wedding over the weekend and for once,i really listened to the chairman's speech and the end of the speech,i realised that almost all chairmen says the same thing but in different ways but why is it that they always mention 4 major issues in marriage(4 o's in Yoruba)dont ask me to mention them in Yoruba BUT ON A SECOND THOUGHT,Owo,Oko,Omo,Ounje!-Money,Sex,Kids and Food.
The way they go about stressing those issues,you will think thats all to a good marriage.With an hindsight,i think they are right somehow and those issues must never be ignored.What other advice do you think should be giving to newly wedded couple.
November 14, 2008
Lovemaking Tips for Married Women,Not Just for Men Anymore!
Over time, something happens to us – women, that is. It happens so slowly that we don’t recognize it until long after we’ve fallen victim to the trap. With marriage, busy lives full of children, obligations, priorities and other activities soon follow. With all of these other activities, it’s difficult to find a place for lovemaking. Too often, married woman view it as something they participate in to keep their husbands happy or “just another chore”. Ladies, it’s time to break with tradition and start making love for the pure joy of it and not out of obligation.
Here are some simple steps to breaking with the female perspective on lovemaking and joining the millions of men who can’t be wrong!
1. BE IN THE NOW: Men have an amazing ability to completely abandon all other thoughts and focus entirely on the act at hand, whether it is football or lovemaking. On the other hand, women are masters of multi-tasking, frequently lying there thinking about the laundry sitting in the dryer getting wrinkled, the check they need to write before school tomorrow to cover the kids' lunch accounts, and numerous other random thoughts that are necessary to keep a family running smoothly. Your bed is not the place to multitask. Men have an innate ability to be in the now. The next time you are having making love, instead of thinking about last night's PTA meeting or tomorrow’s Bunco game, narrow your focus (just for now) on the part of your body that your partner is focusing on. You'll find your pleasure will double immediately.
2. IT’S BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE :A man gets turned on by pleasuring you. A man gets turned on by watching you. Have you ever considered that if the roles were reversed, the same principle would be true? Have you ever considered that pleasuring your man can turn you on, too? Open your eyes during the act and you can bet that whatever you give will be returned – with interest.
3. IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK:Even when you're having one of those self-proclaimed "fat days", your partner hasn't noticed. Your vagina does not get fat just because you might be retaining a little bit of water around your midsection. Your lover doesn't care that you are retaining water or that you ate that extra slice of pizza. When a woman feels sexy, she is apt to experience more enjoyment during lovemaking.
4. NEVER GIVE UP: A man never begins the journey into sex without following it through all the way to completion (whether you are still awake or not). Persistence, persistence, persistence. Women would be wise to follow this advice. You have permission to have an orgasm each and every time (with or without the help of batteries). Climaxing is every man and woman's right. Men know this and you should, too.
5. IT'S "OK" TO GET DIRTY :As boys, men grew up knowing that it was okay to splash in the rain puddle and make mud pies. As adults, that often translates to the bedroom. It's not just about being kinky, I'm talking about something much more mundane. Soon after moving in with my husband, I noticed he always wanted to do it the day I changed the sheets. One woman I know explained this as a man's way of marking his territory. I’ve never figured out if it’s the smell of the fabric softener or his animal instinct, but I can bet on a great night just by changing the sheets.
6. TAKE THE LEAD, NOW AND THEN: Don't make your husband be the one to come over to your side of the bed all of the time. There’s a lot going on over on his side. Take a trip over there. Men can be incredibly turned on not only by a woman who initiates the act, but one who takes the lead throughout.
7. TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT :You have permission to tell your man what you want in the bedroom (and I'm not talking about paint color, here). You simply cannot expect a man to know where and how to touch you. First of all, he's never had the parts that you have. Secondly, our bodies change, particularly after having children. Things that worked last year, may not work today. Thinks that worked yesterday, may not work today. Much as you would like him to be, your man is not a mind-reader. Tell him what you want. Tell him what you turns you on. If you don't know what that is, tell him and let him explore. You'll both enjoy that safari!
8. GET A LOCK ON THE BEDROOM DOOR: With a bedroom door that is securely locked, visitors with little feet (whether of the human or animal form) can't walk in unexpectedly even if they hear unfamiliar noises. And, you'll be able to relax knowing you won't be interrupted at the most inopportune time.
Associatedcontent.com/article/3690
Here are some simple steps to breaking with the female perspective on lovemaking and joining the millions of men who can’t be wrong!
1. BE IN THE NOW: Men have an amazing ability to completely abandon all other thoughts and focus entirely on the act at hand, whether it is football or lovemaking. On the other hand, women are masters of multi-tasking, frequently lying there thinking about the laundry sitting in the dryer getting wrinkled, the check they need to write before school tomorrow to cover the kids' lunch accounts, and numerous other random thoughts that are necessary to keep a family running smoothly. Your bed is not the place to multitask. Men have an innate ability to be in the now. The next time you are having making love, instead of thinking about last night's PTA meeting or tomorrow’s Bunco game, narrow your focus (just for now) on the part of your body that your partner is focusing on. You'll find your pleasure will double immediately.
2. IT’S BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE :A man gets turned on by pleasuring you. A man gets turned on by watching you. Have you ever considered that if the roles were reversed, the same principle would be true? Have you ever considered that pleasuring your man can turn you on, too? Open your eyes during the act and you can bet that whatever you give will be returned – with interest.
3. IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK:Even when you're having one of those self-proclaimed "fat days", your partner hasn't noticed. Your vagina does not get fat just because you might be retaining a little bit of water around your midsection. Your lover doesn't care that you are retaining water or that you ate that extra slice of pizza. When a woman feels sexy, she is apt to experience more enjoyment during lovemaking.
4. NEVER GIVE UP: A man never begins the journey into sex without following it through all the way to completion (whether you are still awake or not). Persistence, persistence, persistence. Women would be wise to follow this advice. You have permission to have an orgasm each and every time (with or without the help of batteries). Climaxing is every man and woman's right. Men know this and you should, too.
5. IT'S "OK" TO GET DIRTY :As boys, men grew up knowing that it was okay to splash in the rain puddle and make mud pies. As adults, that often translates to the bedroom. It's not just about being kinky, I'm talking about something much more mundane. Soon after moving in with my husband, I noticed he always wanted to do it the day I changed the sheets. One woman I know explained this as a man's way of marking his territory. I’ve never figured out if it’s the smell of the fabric softener or his animal instinct, but I can bet on a great night just by changing the sheets.
6. TAKE THE LEAD, NOW AND THEN: Don't make your husband be the one to come over to your side of the bed all of the time. There’s a lot going on over on his side. Take a trip over there. Men can be incredibly turned on not only by a woman who initiates the act, but one who takes the lead throughout.
7. TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT :You have permission to tell your man what you want in the bedroom (and I'm not talking about paint color, here). You simply cannot expect a man to know where and how to touch you. First of all, he's never had the parts that you have. Secondly, our bodies change, particularly after having children. Things that worked last year, may not work today. Thinks that worked yesterday, may not work today. Much as you would like him to be, your man is not a mind-reader. Tell him what you want. Tell him what you turns you on. If you don't know what that is, tell him and let him explore. You'll both enjoy that safari!
8. GET A LOCK ON THE BEDROOM DOOR: With a bedroom door that is securely locked, visitors with little feet (whether of the human or animal form) can't walk in unexpectedly even if they hear unfamiliar noises. And, you'll be able to relax knowing you won't be interrupted at the most inopportune time.
Associatedcontent.com/article/3690
November 7, 2008
Wives Translation
The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want
The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want
The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to
The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: Be romantic,turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.
The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting,furniture and wallpaper!
The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means:The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No,I mean hang it there!
The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late,your doomed.]
The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No
The wife says: No
The wife means: No
The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No
The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry
The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.
The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.
The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.
The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.
The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
The wife means: You want
The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want
The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to
The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: Be romantic,turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.
The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting,furniture and wallpaper!
The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means:The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No,I mean hang it there!
The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late,your doomed.]
The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No
The wife says: No
The wife means: No
The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No
The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry
The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.
The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.
The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.
The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.
The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
November 4, 2008
10 Things I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single
1) Marriage doesn't "develop" the good traits.If you don't cultivate patience, joy, gentleness, kindness, etc. before marriage, they aren't going to miraculously appear when you've wed.
2) If you can't joyfully submit to your parents, you won't joyfully submit to your husband.
3) If you develop a "grass is greener" mentality while single, marriage won't feel as fulfilling as you dream it to be. Contentedness is something you must cultivate while single. If you aren't content as a daughter, you won't be magically become content as a wife.
4) Cultivate a schedule (along with a daily quiet time) because you have to schedule life around children. If you can function on a schedule as a single young lady, then you will flourish as a wife and mother.
5) Learn to play with your siblings. If you can't "enjoy" your brothers and sisters, it will be hard to "delight" in your children. You will love your children, yes... but you will not become a "fun" person through childbirth.
6) Learn to give. Make your life as a single young woman about serving others. (Make sure to do this through the leadership of your father so that you choose wisely and don't overextend yourself.) If you make your single years about "serving self," it is very difficult to "kill off self" once you're married.
7) Learn to please your earthly father. This relationship will give you the vital ability to discern what will bless your future husband. Granted, every man is different... but if you seek to do your father good, it will be easy to seek to do your husband good.
8) Consider your mother your mentor. Learn from her... Study her... Memorize her movements and schedules. One day you will be the "home manager."
9) Learn to enjoy and have fun with "just" your family. If you need friends to make life fun while single, the same will apply when married.
10) Learn to follow a budget and shop wisely. Regardless of your family's "mode" of living, generally marriage is started off on a simple budget. You will be a great blessing to your husband if you manage carefully the money he gives to you.
2) If you can't joyfully submit to your parents, you won't joyfully submit to your husband.
3) If you develop a "grass is greener" mentality while single, marriage won't feel as fulfilling as you dream it to be. Contentedness is something you must cultivate while single. If you aren't content as a daughter, you won't be magically become content as a wife.
4) Cultivate a schedule (along with a daily quiet time) because you have to schedule life around children. If you can function on a schedule as a single young lady, then you will flourish as a wife and mother.
5) Learn to play with your siblings. If you can't "enjoy" your brothers and sisters, it will be hard to "delight" in your children. You will love your children, yes... but you will not become a "fun" person through childbirth.
6) Learn to give. Make your life as a single young woman about serving others. (Make sure to do this through the leadership of your father so that you choose wisely and don't overextend yourself.) If you make your single years about "serving self," it is very difficult to "kill off self" once you're married.
7) Learn to please your earthly father. This relationship will give you the vital ability to discern what will bless your future husband. Granted, every man is different... but if you seek to do your father good, it will be easy to seek to do your husband good.
8) Consider your mother your mentor. Learn from her... Study her... Memorize her movements and schedules. One day you will be the "home manager."
9) Learn to enjoy and have fun with "just" your family. If you need friends to make life fun while single, the same will apply when married.
10) Learn to follow a budget and shop wisely. Regardless of your family's "mode" of living, generally marriage is started off on a simple budget. You will be a great blessing to your husband if you manage carefully the money he gives to you.
Culled from homemakerscottage
