I tried my luck yesterday with my brother in law advice.My man came home early yesterday,around 9pm with isiewu and immediately he entered,he just called the children to come and chop life with him and me too just joined them without being called and he was like i bought this for myself and my kids to enjoy and no intruder should join them.Ordinarily,i would just have left them but i remembered my bros in law advise that i should be claiming my right and just ignore his comments.I just did as if i did not hear him and continue enjoying the meat and i noticed that he was suprised and didnt say anything again.To make him say something,i asked my first born to put one of his daddy's wine in the fridge so that i can fully enjoy myself.The man did not say anything but just looking at me strangely as if wentin dey do her today.The message i got from it is that men like refinedone said always like it when you make them feel indispensable and their existence in your life is everything and that makes them feel important.Well,if all i need is to grease his ego,why not

My brother in-law and his wife came visiting Monday evening as they thought i would be home as their offices permitted them to observed the holiday but you know bank work na elele and we never know which level of Government we belong to as my bank insisted we are not Federal Govt workers and as such,come we must but trust workers to find their way.I was there till 5pm and got home on time.

We gisted on various issues and finally said he brought his wife so that i can talk to her as she is too quarrelsome and always want to have her say and he always tell her that she should look at my example as everybody knows his brother is no nonsense man and i still take everything and instead of her to count herself luck,she is always claiming right.Our wife just blew up that what nonsense is he taking about,she can never be a stooge to anybody because she want to stay married,that its a two way thing and she can not be made and will never be made a dummy in her house and that they know what their brother is doing is bad and nobody can tell him and he is now trying to make her look like no submissive wife and if want he want is house girl and baby making machine-then he is in for a joke and i was just feeling somehow as it goes to show that they never supported such behaviour and everybody pretended as if they dont know and it takes their disagreement for me to know how they see me.I calmed them down and told them that two relationship can not be the same and both of them should never compare what they have with another person own and that i see them as ideal couple and little things should never come between them.

After we resolved their issue,my bros in law now said aunty dont mind my wife but i think you too need to be firm with my brother,dont always make him feel he can do anything and you dont have a choice than to accept.Can you see life?

I received quite a lot of mails and comments on why iam just complaining now after so many years.The only way i can answer this question is why did our greatgrandmother,grandmother and even our mothers whose husband beat and humiliate at every opportunity still stays with their men-Kids and the security marriage provides.Girl child in this part of the world are made to belief that their primary role is to be a wife and mother and any other achievement is just be the side and whatever your husband does is right and should never be challenge and you grow up with that notion and when you are face with challenges in your marriage-emotional and physical,you bottle it up as you never want to be seen as a failure and ridicule.

I once had a chat with an older friend married to one of the present Governor on how she is able to sustain her marriage for over twenty years and still looking so much in love and she just smiled and said that what we see outside is all a facade as she is a very unhappy woman and that she get beaten at any slightest argument and that can i imagine that her honourable husband had stripped her naked before in the presence of his staff,all because of a mistress and that where will she begin and who will help her with her four kids if she leaves though she has her thriving business and what will the whole world say and all her detractors will have cause to jubiliate-imagine how the society has condition our reasoning .The only advice your mother have is for you to continue to endure for your kids and dont forget,your unmarried friends are looking at you as a lucky person for even getting a husband and that they will take anything rubbish to be in your position but we are all human being,at a point in ones life-all the issues get to you and you want to revolt but in my case,iam not ready to leave my marriage but having a place where i could unbottle my pains and reduce the stress and i keep hypertension away from my life.

This is to you all who have been there for me with your various advices and words of encouragement,i have no gold or silver but to show my appreciation for creating time to write me and continue sending me words of inspirations.I might not be able to reply everybody individually but know that i love you all and may the good lord bless you all.This is from the bottom of my heart.

I started this blog with the aim of sharing my burden with different people from all work of life and expect to get different reactions of course but the mails i get this day tend to portray me as a bad wife and bad role model for younger girls who are about to marry or encouraging those who already have bad feelings about marriage.I have no intention of doing all that,afterall despite everything i still stay put in the marriage and believing God will do wonders through prayers and with good counselling and since in Niger,we have not develop or have courage to go to a counsellor for such issue,i decided to make it open like this and since it guarrantee my privacy,i felt iam having a sort of connection with fellow women and men who belief in the institution and can relate and offer advice for people in my situation.Marriage is good no doubt but everything now depend on how the two partners take it and dont forget our background,culture,values and beliefs have a part in the success of an Africa marriages.

The four days he was away was so peaceful,nobody to shout on the kids or raise voice over minor issues but despite that,i still feel that space in my heart.I dreamt of when i will be happy with him and pray that whatever has hold on him will be loosen by the grace of God.I may pretend as much as i like that it doesnt bother me and let him do whatever he likes but deep inside me,iam weeping.Iam not a saint and i never said iam one and know i have my own faults here and there but i make concrete effort to make the marriage works and somehow its part of the problem.Since i know he likes to shout and make me feel inferior somehow for him to feel cool about himself i guess, i always avoid contact with him as much as possible though he is hardly around but because i want peace at all cost,i avoid facing the issues thereby making him feel he can do anything and i will take it.

I once reported him to our parents that he belief i have money because i work in a bank and his response is since i dont ask him,he never give as he belief i can take care of myself and run the house without assistance-imagine that logic.My father now said i may not ask because i was brought up with the notion that the man will give if he has without asking and the mother said he will talk to him but his father too does that during his life time and her family too had to call him to order.We,parent of today should make it our responsibility to let our kids know the right way of doing things and we should set good example because all these kids know more than we think they do and somehow it affect their life as we are their foundation and whatever foundation we give them is what they will exhibit in their own life.It always turned out that we do things the way our parents are doing them in their days unconsciously.Lets make our today better than our parent yesterday in terms of attitudes and beliefs

Since the beginning of January that i told him that iam fed up of him and his rubbish and that iam too sure he is fed up of me as well and that i have been putting up with his nonsense because of my kids and that i have realised that if i die,my kids will survive and so,in the new year,no more treatment like slave and talking to me anyhow and that he should get over his unnecessary possessive and henceforth i will only do what is convenient for me and not what pleases him.Suprisingly,he never said anything more than if it pays you and you think you can win the battle.

We have been living like two strangers since then though we talk and discuss when its necessary.He has a conference to attend next week outside the country for four days and i had begged him earlier to allow me to follow him since i have a valid visa and can talk to my boss to allow me off for the days but with the recent development,he said i will only see abroad on Tv or in the dailies and what else can i do than to just mellow.

The major problem i have with the marriage is my hussy attitude and making me feel as if he is doing me a favour by being married to me.I come from a monogamous home where there is peace and love and he from polymous which somehow affected him and can not understand most of his view to life.I tried to make him see things in other ways but see issues in his own way and always say his father's view to his mother is the law and as such,i should be able to act and behave like his mother who will never disaagree with his father in his lifetime no matter the discomfort.Yes,iam not perfect and i dont claim to be but with open communication and mutual respect,we can straighten out our differences.We definately come from two different background and as such,we will see issues differently but being rigid to your ways and how you want me to run my life without asking for input from me is uncalled for.

Iam a graduate myself and doing very well in my professional and can not be below his standard in anyway,afterall we met when both of us are just starting our career.I remembered those days when he will come to my house looking downcast that he hope i will forever be with him and that he hope his background will not deterred me from marrying him and i stood solidly behind him.

How do i start and from where?I guess i should introduce myself:Iam a working mother of four-three boys and a girl,married to a famous writer and well known for his intellect.He is a lecturer,a PR man,Public speaker,he is an authority in his field-Public Relation.My kids age ranges from fourteen to four and two are already in secondary school.

Everything look good and everybody see me as having everything going on from outside but iam just fed up with my marriage but have no gut to walk out.I have too many things at stake-my kids,public perception and dont forget Africa belief is to endure marriage for the sake of kids and your feelings have nothing to do with this,your mother tells you other women get worst treatment and they still stay married and they do not want you to embarrass them by leaving your marriage but to stay put at any cost.

I want to use my blog to connect with women and men who belief in marriage and are ready to make sacrifices to make it work and understand that women are not cartel that can be bought and use as you like.We are human too and should be respected